… In Which I Interview Myself in Two Vastly Different Visions of my Authorial Future.

The Ridiculously Successful Future:

Setting: Two people sit on armchairs in a lounge room. There is a pleasant view out the large double doors behind them, revealing a lawn and some tall trees. The walls of the room are covered by shelves stacked high with hardback books.

Ian: Hi folks, and welcome back to “Meet the Author”. On today’s show, I’m interviewing I H Laking, a young author from New Zealand who’s been making his mark on the fantasy genre these past years. Greetings Mr. Laking, how are you?

I H Laking: I’m fine thanks Ian, and I might I add that this is a fine spot for an interview.

Ian: Well, it is your house.

Laking: So it is. (Witty laughter)

Ian: So tell me, how do you feel about your success thus far?

Laking: Well, it’s taken me by surprise actually. I wasn’t so sure that people would be into the concept I was trying to sell through the novels, and I’ve been greatly encouraged by the support of so many people. Especially the Pope. That was a surprise.

Ian: Yes, quite. (More witty laughter, wipes a teardrop from him eye). And how do you feel about the upcoming movie deal?

Laking: I was unsure about it at first. I mean, Denzel Washington and Shia Le Bouf? It’s just too much to take in. Also, I had to turn down the idea of mashing it up with Star Wars Episode IV – it just couldn’t work!

Ian: True, very true. You’ve often said that there were seeds of the main novel storyline planted in your early short stories. Can you elaborate on that at all?

Laking: Yes, I purposefully put many references into my early work as a precursor to the first book of the series. I wanted people to have a sense of something coming, but not to have an idea of what it was exactly. I suppose people saw the vision I was trying to instill.

Ian: Well I know I enjoyed going back over the stories recently and finding some of those ideas myself. Well done on getting that part down. Onto other matters…

Laking: Yes?

Ian: Can I get your autograph?

Laking: Certainly. (Scribbles in notepad) Now if you don’t mind, I’ve got to rush – catching my private jet to London.

Ian: The Prime Minister again?

Laking: Yes. He never lets up! (Witty laughter once more)

Ian: Well, thanks for making time.

The “Other” Future:

Setting: A sidewalk outside a mall. People are bustling past a reporter who is standing on the corner with a microphone. He is trying (unsuccessfully) to procure someone for an interview.

Ian: Excuse me ma’am can I… ok, sorry. Ah, sir, could I just… (ducks) Wow! You certainly can punch hard. (mutters) I wonder if I’ll find anyone to interview about this self-publishing topic.

I H Laking: Excuse me, did you say “self-publishing”?

Ian: (Sigh) Yes, I did. What do you want?

Laking: Well, I’m a self-published author! Would you like to interview me?

Ian: No.

Laking: Oh. (Awkward silence) Very well then. Sorry to be a bother.

Ian: Get lost.

Laking: Sure thing!

End.