What is this new Ello thing?

You've all seen me raving about Ello this and Ello that in the last couple of days, I'm sure. Many of you are asking, "What the fuck is this thing?" and "How do I get an invite?" and "I'm in but it's all confusing and white and I'm lost like a sacrificial lamb!" and "My brain is turning vitriol blue from this eye that is staring at me and where is the "like" button and, oops, I just deleted my post, and..." Bla-bla-bla. Yeah, yeah, I get it.

I am the queen of Ello already and I will share wit...