What To Remember When Doubt Strikes

Photo credit: Alex Benetel I have come face-to-face with something terrible in the last few days.
Something ugly, rabid, transformative and soul-crushing.
It is, in the wise words of my amazing Twitter friend, Lilly Raines...
THE EVIL DOUBT MONSTER.
What is the horrid creature, and why has it chosen me as its prey? I think, after much deliberation, that the answer to that question is because...
I needed it.
I needed to feel the dark, debilitating feelings of worthlessness and depression that consumed me the past few days. I needed to ponder the idea that I have spent the last four months (and will spend six months altogether) slaving over a book--albeit, one that I loved writing--and have it go nowhere. Nada. Zilch. Make me $50, if I'm lucky. I needed to feel like my Twitter followers weren't getting any higher, that nobody is +1-ing my Google posts, and that no one even wants to read these blog posts.
I also needed to feel disappointment in the materialistic view of the world (I've read more about the iPhone 6 in the last few days than world causes that need support), and rejection in its numerous forms, romantic included.
Want to know the reason I needed to feel all of these things? (And why YOU do, too?):
I needed to feel these things because it is a shit, shit world out there, and the only way I'm ever going to keep myself from completely succumbing, completely giving up, is to strengthen my soul's core.
How do you strengthen a muscle? By tearing the fibers apart. By working it and working it until it is sore, and bruised, and inflamed, and aching. Our hearts and souls and minds are the same. Life is going to crash against us like waves upon a rocky coast; there's no stopping it, just like there's no stopping the ocean's tides. But answer me this...
Will you be like a sand castle? Felled by the unrelenting water, losing your shape, your hope, your strength and finally being pulled out to sea?
Or will you be like stone? Preparing yourself with a strong foundation for the approaching water, letting the daily trials and unexpected storms smooth you into something beautiful? Something strong?

I want to be like stone. I am still like a sand castle, easily plowed over by life at times, but I want to be like stone. And the only way that will ever happen is if I am given trials and storms to hone my strength. To smooth my incorrect thinking, to sharpen my writing skills, and to remind me to be thankful thankful THANKFUL that I am a free American woman with a roof over my head and a fridge full of food.
So from now on, when sadness and doubt strike, I will do a few things (some of which helped today, and that I highly recommend):
-spend time with friends/family who I love and who strengthen me.
-Talk with writer friends who are very well acquainted with the Evil Doubt Monster, so that we can offer one another comfort.
-Do something I enjoy. Watch a movie, eat an ice cream, go for a walk. Revel in the beautiful things this world does have to offer.
-Do something to help someone else, even if it's small. Smile at someone. Give a compliment. It's easy and it completely changes your mood.
-Pet an animal, especially one of the tiny variety. (YouTube videos will also suffice, but it's really better to cuddle up to a real kitten. Trust me on that one.)
AND finally: Remind myself that it's okay to be sad. It's okay to feel rejected by people. It's normal--but it's not the truth. I will not believe the lies; I will continue to hope and dream and write and produce work that is meant to give joy and an escape and be something I'm proud to share. I will not succumb. I will not give in. I will not give up. So bring it on world; do your worst. I'm ready for you.

Share with me your personal struggles in the comments, and ways you've overcome the Evil Doubt Monster. Let us be there for one another.

Until next time my dear friends, keep writing and keep dreaming! Even when it seems hopeless--cling with your fingers to the belief that it is not. You must.
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