The trick

Amused

I don’t often quote from religious texts of any variety but this one sprang into my head this morning and I thought I’d share.

When the Universe decided to destroy the earth, saving only two of every kind of animal, one male and one female, Noah and his family were chosen as Project Leaders – with me so far? The bit that usually gets left out is that The Spirit has an enormous sense of humour and decided that not only would each species be one male, one female, but also, one kind and sweet-natured and the other a total git. This sounds as if it might have been a Committee decision so perhaps all the heads of all the religions were in on it… Noah was told to make sure that as well as limiting his ark to cubits, spans and stuff, he would have to be sure of the temperament of each animal.

When he got out of hospital following the nervous breakdown he had to bring his family in on the plot or there would be no time to implement it. Shem, Ham and Japheth (his sons, not items on the burger bar menu) set to with a will but Mrs. Noah got out her nail varnish and decided to put a red mark on each of the “unpredictable” beasts.

The end result being, after generations of interbreeding, was that humans have to approach all unfamiliar animals as if they might be dangerous…yes, even other humans. Who knows why? Bad potty training or an over-protective mother? Just believe me – a unicorn can smash you on the forehead with a hind foot as easily as a Shetland pony and the worst in the world are …other human beings because they have perfected the camouflage of appearing to be pleasant while harbouring “head-kicks” for any situation.

Tip – always approach from the front, have pocket fulls of pony nuts and don’t answer questions unless you know the person well.