"In the morning before workit’s a struggle to lookin the mirror. The last time I did,I..."

“In the morning before work

it’s a struggle to look

in the mirror. The last time I did,

I couldn’t leave my house

for five days. I called in sick

at work and I did not mourn using

my personal days to collect the pieces

of myself that I lost in the sink

after attempting to scrap

off all the ugly from my skin.

My family didn’t think much of it.

Figured some boy from school

broke my heart and knew

that I would someday find

the strength inside of myself

to put it back together. But this

was not the case at hand,

and some parts of me wanted to

believe that they knew this struggle

went much deeper than being

rejected by some hormonal teen.

I hoped that they would see

the cracked mirror in the bathroom

and the spots of blood in the sink;

my fingers swollen and bruised

by trying to destroy the monster

inside of my own reflection.

As the days went on, no one said

anything. My mother even tried to

set me up with one of her coworkers

son in hopes that he could

pull me from my own despair.

I said “No, he’s not my type.”,

but what I wanted her to hear

was the sound of me giving up

hope in others who may be able to

love me. I wanted her to hear

the echo in my voice, for her to listen

to the sound of my own personal war

brewing inside my body.”

- "The internal and invisible war," - Colleen Brown