The Manwhore vs. The Virgin
This topic came up from time to time during BULLY's release, but it's seemed to come up more during RIVAL. Why the double-standard, and why is the girl always chaste?
It's a good point and worthy of discussion, so thank you for your feedback! I want my readers to know that I carefully consider everything I do in my books, and I always write hoping you all will love it.
(This discussion has possible RIVAL spoilers, so if you haven't read, don't continue to read this post.)
With this series, we see this dynamic between the hero and the heroine for three reasons:
1. These characters are all young. Someone has to be experienced to carry the sex scenes, but with their ages, it doesn't seem realistic to me that both would be heavily experienced. I was a virgin until I was 23.
2. In RIVAL, Fallon kept leaving Madoc, or so he thought. He felt rejection, loss, and loneliness. He had no reason to think she wasn't dating other guys during their spells apart. Now why did I have Fallon chaste? Because I modeled her after myself. When my first love and I broke up, he didn't hesitate to jump back in the game. I, on the other hand, couldn't stand the idea of someone else in my life for a long time. This isn't always how men and women handle break ups, but I went off my own experiences, and I think it's fairly common behavior.
3. Fallon explains why she stayed away from sex. It wasn't for Madoc. With all she'd been through, she needed to slow down, grow up, and back up. At such a young age, she'd already been through things such a young person shouldn't have to go through, and she wasn't emotionally prepared to make such adult decisions again.
Now Madoc is a young, attractive, and rich guy who gets a lot of attention. He felt abandoned by a girl he cared about, and he acted out. He used sex as immediate gratification to, if only for a little while, feel better again. I think this is very typical.
I would never try to promote a standard that says a man can do something a woman can't. It's not about what a woman can or can't do, or should or shouldn't do. It's about what a woman would or wouldn't do. Many women take more time to heal. I did.
Now, we all know K.C. is not a virgin. So if that is more to your liking, you're going to get what you want. And so does Jax.
Man oh man, does he get what he wants ;)
It's a good point and worthy of discussion, so thank you for your feedback! I want my readers to know that I carefully consider everything I do in my books, and I always write hoping you all will love it.
(This discussion has possible RIVAL spoilers, so if you haven't read, don't continue to read this post.)
With this series, we see this dynamic between the hero and the heroine for three reasons:
1. These characters are all young. Someone has to be experienced to carry the sex scenes, but with their ages, it doesn't seem realistic to me that both would be heavily experienced. I was a virgin until I was 23.
2. In RIVAL, Fallon kept leaving Madoc, or so he thought. He felt rejection, loss, and loneliness. He had no reason to think she wasn't dating other guys during their spells apart. Now why did I have Fallon chaste? Because I modeled her after myself. When my first love and I broke up, he didn't hesitate to jump back in the game. I, on the other hand, couldn't stand the idea of someone else in my life for a long time. This isn't always how men and women handle break ups, but I went off my own experiences, and I think it's fairly common behavior.
3. Fallon explains why she stayed away from sex. It wasn't for Madoc. With all she'd been through, she needed to slow down, grow up, and back up. At such a young age, she'd already been through things such a young person shouldn't have to go through, and she wasn't emotionally prepared to make such adult decisions again.
Now Madoc is a young, attractive, and rich guy who gets a lot of attention. He felt abandoned by a girl he cared about, and he acted out. He used sex as immediate gratification to, if only for a little while, feel better again. I think this is very typical.
I would never try to promote a standard that says a man can do something a woman can't. It's not about what a woman can or can't do, or should or shouldn't do. It's about what a woman would or wouldn't do. Many women take more time to heal. I did.
Now, we all know K.C. is not a virgin. So if that is more to your liking, you're going to get what you want. And so does Jax.
Man oh man, does he get what he wants ;)
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Thays M.
(last edited Sep 11, 2014 02:03PM)
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Sep 11, 2014 02:02PM
I think you are an amazing author. I have read so many books and I could count in one hand the authors who keep me coming back for more and you are one of them. Thank you for sharing your work with the world. I believe you give us something different than your average romance novels that has young couple specially with them still being in high school. I can't wait for the last book on the series.
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Thanks for your info Penelope.For me, i get tired of a lot of the same kind of characters in contemporary romance, especially New Adult, and at the moment it's a rarity to find a book where a hero isn't a 'man-ho' and the heroine is totally/pretty unexperienced. If it were true, and all these heroes are man ho's and all the heroines are virgins, then the ratio of men to women is pretty screwed. Lol.
No-one really wants to know how many girls their hero has screwed, or how he does it, but this is the main focus of a lot of NA books. In 'Rival' it's a non-issue because that's not all there is to the story, it's a lot more than just the stereotypes of NA.
In my humble opinion, we love the 'virginess' heroine and the slutty male because our heroine shows a great strength in remaining innocent. It is the rarity in real society to find a woman that is actually a virgin past a certain age. And I think for a lot of women, giving that piece of yourself to a man is a giant symbol of love and trust and most women can relate to that. Now why are we so forgiving of the man-whore here? Well, again, our heroine chooses to be with him despite his past indiscretions, again showing her strength in character that she doesn't hold his past against him, but loves him enough to embrace it.
I like that B.N. I think a lot of women feel the same.
❃*ﾟ*✿｡【Yasmine】｡✿*ﾟ*❃ wrote: "I like that B.N. I think a lot of women feel the same."Thanks Yasmine!
I think this is very well put! In your case you are writing about high schoolers and I agree that from our time in school this was definite the more typical behavior. However I see the complaint of these readers with the older characters in books. But it begs the question would we enjoy or respect our female leads if they where huge whores from the start?
I like your comments, B.N.Here are some stereotypes:
1. Girls are supposed to be pure and virginal. Boys are supposed to go out and sow their wild oats. Who is he sowing them with?
2. In high school (and college) a guy who enjoys sex is cool. A woman who does is as slut. Not my opinion, but a lot of people hold to that.
I many subconsciously write their books (not Penelope, she just told us why!) so that they conform to the stereotype and everyone feels comfortable.
I don't think that way. People have sex in their teens. People like sex in their teens. And women like it just as much as men. And this continues on for life. I don't like double standards: if a woman likes sex - have a blast. Just be careful. Cause we're not going to be carrying around the little bundle of joy for 9 months. And that is the final reason. Women get pregnant. We obviously don't.
I have read some NA books where it was the girl who sowed her oats and the boy...didn't. I love stories like that. Maybe because I'm a guy.
The one stereotype I hate (and it's the opposite of here) that comes through in reviews - that women write - is the attitude on cheating. FOR THE MOST PART, if the male character cheats, he is Satan incarnate. Cheating is worse than abuse, rape and child abuse. It must never be forgiven. But if the female MC cheats, I have seen so many reviewers justify it (he ignored her, he was boring, he was lousy in bed, etc.) Uh uh uh. What's good for the goose...
Erica,I don't see women who have multiple partners as whores. I see them as women who enjoy sex. It's a double standard we should try to chuck. People are having sex, they're having it all the time (yes, quote from early 80's song). Period. Doesn't matter the gender.
Look at how many guys in NA books feel ashamed or out of the ordinary because they're virgins. The thing is, is real life, we do feel ashamed. For most of us, virginity is like a disease that has to be cured as quickly as possible (I was 15, it couldn't have happened soon enough).
I personally love that type of book. I was a virgin until I was 26. Sadly it did not work out with my first love either. The thought of being with anyone else made me sick but he had no problem moving right along. I got to talk to him after and asked him how he could do it and he said it was just something to do and it kept his mind off of how bad it hurt.
Great post! I love the manwhore vs Virgin trope. It works for me. It's total fantasy just like the happily ever after is total fantasy.
I realize authors can't please all readers and that's ok with me. Write where your characters lead you.
One more thought. I love reading readers thoughts on books even if I disagree. The more info on a book helps with my buying decision!
