Feeling A Bit More Me…

Maybe it's the weight loss. Maybe it's just time, but for the first time in two years of pain and confusion and sickness and loss… I'm finally starting to feel myself again. I won't kid you, I'm not 100%. In some ways I'm still numb, still raw, still confused and lost, but… You know that second when you dive into water and you're not sure how deep it is, then…suddenly, you feel the bottom with your toes and though you can't quite take a breath of relief, you realize you've kinda got your bearings a little.

That's about where I am.

I know I've been lax about the blog and even Twitter, for those that follow me. My house looks like an explosion went off most days and really, that's how I've been inside, too. Inch by inch, the shattered pieces of me have been coming back together. I won't ever be the same and I'm not sure I'll ever see pictures of my sister without that lancing pain of loss, but…

There's days when the numbness isn't there. When I don't need to go a hundred miles an hour every minute of every day just to make it from one hour to the next. In fact, time has gotten so it's moving almost too fast for me. How'd that happen?

It feels a lot like submerging from the deep end of the pool. As you rise, the water gets less blue, things above become more clear and you feel…lighter.

So, I was really surprised when I absolutely could not stand the state of my table/desk anymore. Papers were completely out of order. Mail lost, only the most urgent, urgent stuff handled. (In some cases, mishandled.)

I'm ready to not be a disaster anymore. So, I took today off and spent 12 hours going from this…

To this (which is all of that stuff SORTED!!)

and finally…to this. My new office-ly table set up!

Taaaaaa-Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Here's to a fresh start and submerging!

Dee