The Dilemma of the Size 16

I rarely post about fashion, but that doesn’t negate the fact that I am very much interested in the subject itself. Shopping in my ultimate therapy and I love that feeling I get with the first accelerated beat of my heart when my gaze falls upon a piece I like. I have my own unique taste in fashion that doesn’t conform to certain trends or styles and when I decide to dress up I have to dress up in a piece I adore, only the perfect ensemble would do, nothing less. 

All my life, I’ve been an average of size 12 UK yet finding something to dress up in wasn’t always easy. Then in the past 3 years my life went up and down dramatically, because of circumstances that were beyond my control, and with my life, health, and peace of mind went my weight, up and down and through tunnels until I no longer fit into anything in my closet, or on the high street for that matter. I wasn’t chubby or fat anymore, I was obese and as a result, quite depressed.

Earlier this year, 2014, I began piecing my life back together again, the old girl I was once was emerging back, and the first area that I decided to tackle once I was almost human again was my weight, not only because of fashion reasons but more importantly, I needed to be fit and healthy. I began watching what I ate, I worked hard, and my crowning moment came on my birthday last July as I stood over my birthday cake, clad in a beautiful dress in size 16 UK that fit me perfectly when a few months before it didn’t. I blew my candles in happiness, twirled in my dress in joy for I was now the size of the average woman world-wide, which is a 16, and that now I could shop again and be able to wear whatever dress I longed for should the occasion arise.

I’ve never been so wrong in my life.

Fast forwards Eid day, I was in Dubai in a mission to locate the dress of all dresses, for my baby sister’s wedding was upon us in a few weeks time. When I arrived in Dubai near midnight most stores were closed but I walked around the fashion avenue in Dubai mall, window shopping and picking what dress should I try first. I stopped long at By Symphony’s window, gazing at the lovely Roksanda Iclinic’s dresses on display and playing eeny meeny miny moe, hoping my dress size in whatever one I chose was available. Early on Eid morning and right after the long awaited Eid breakfast that I gobbled down impatiently after 30 days of fasting in the scorching summer, I waltzed into by Symphony, and my eyes fell on a gorgeous Rosie Assoulin dress - the very dress worn by Michelle Dockery at the Emmys last week-. I breezily asked if my size was available, a UK 16, and I was informed that the biggest dresses they had came in a size 14 UK and there was only one loose fitting dress in a size 16 that might interest me. It didn’t. The size 12 didn’t fit me of course, and anything in 14 if I was lucky to wriggle into would need to be altered to fit my size 16 frame.

Not to fear, I still had all of Dubai’s store ahead of me, right? I went from store to store, gazing at beautiful dresses, my heart pounding, then asking for a size 16 only to be informed that they do not carry a size 16 and if I was lucky, perhaps there is a 14! In the handful of shops that did indeed have a size 16, the sizes were already snatched up by fellow average-sized women long before my arrival.

I still didn’t give up though, I’ve decided to tackle the shops in Kuwait and search for the the dress. The same story was repeated, I would waltz into a shop, search for that beat of the heart, ask for my size only to be informed that either 1- the store don’t stock a size 16 or a 2- this particular dress never arrived in a 16 or 3- there was indeed a 16 but it was long gone. Needless to say, I began arriving at store asking for a size 16 before browsing the stock and leaving at once if they do not stock it. I was no longer looking for the it dress, I was reduced to looking for a dress, whatever dress, that would fit my elephantine frame that statistics claim is the average size of women around the world.

Needless to say I was depressed by the time I came back home. I was planning on returning from Dubai with the dress, plus a pair of shoes and a killer clutch to match. I came back with a semi empty bag half filled with books. I kept looking however, I went to almost every single shop in Kuwait that stocked evening dresses and only two of which did stock a size 16. I actually found a Roksanda Iclinic’ dress in a 16 at Al-Othman but I didn’t like the dress much and hence kept it as a last resort. I found another dress in size 16 at Lanvin Al-Thuraya mall that I snatched up at once and wore to my sister’s marriage ceremony party -melcha-    and yet here I am, looking for the wedding party dress that I cannot find.

Adding insult to injury, some shopkeepers were really rude to me when informing me of their “lack” of size 16. I can have a series of posts with rude shopkeepers antics to my fat self but let me tell you about only two. Once, there was a designer shop in Prestige district of the Avenues mall that had a gorgeous dress I’d love to wear. The size was 42 which is equivalent to a 12 UK and they said they might have a 44 in the storage but it would take an hour to retrieve. I waited for two hours wandering around the Avenues only to return to the shop and find a second shopkeeper. He sneered, looking me up and down, informing me that a “42″ was more than wide enough and that no, they didn’t have a 44 and no, they don’t stock a size 46 at all. The designer makes dresses up to size 48 by the way.

Another very famous store in the Grand Avenues informed me they don’t stock anything larger than a 14 UK even though their sister shop in the UK stocks all sizes. When my mother told me she bought her dress, a size 16 that was altered by the very same shop to fit her better, I went back, found me a size 16 dress that I didn’t like much but it was a 16, which they said they didn’t stock! The dress was almost perfect, just needed to be widened by a few centimetres at the waist, and the shopkeeper informed me they wouldn’t alter it for me. Their tailor can shorten the dress, but but no they wouldn’t widen it, even though they widened my own mother’s dress less than a week ago and yes the dress can be altered easily it wasn’t that hard. I left, vowing never to set foot in their shop, or any other shop who hire snobs for shopkeepers for that matter.

Now I am scoring online sites, sometimes they stock up to size 18. American department stores are more generous with their sizings and I think I’m ordering something online rather than facing the humiliation of walking into a store, taking the abuse of shopkeepers who think that being fat strips you of the right of wearing a gorgeous dress from their shop, then leaving the store feeling sad and dinosaur big.

Even with online shopping, even if I find a dress, the fact would remain that I would be forced to choose and wear a dress I wouldn’t even look twice in its direction, in a colour that makes me want to weep which is almost always black, not because I like it, not because its beautiful in my eyes, not because it gave me accelerated heartbeat when my gaze fell upon it, not because it was stylish and colourful and awesome, but because it was the only one that fit. I am going to my baby sister’s wedding in a dress I cannot stand, a dress that is not me, just because it came in the right size and just because fashion buyers do not think that a size 16 is desirable and that the very few precious size 16 pieces that stores might stock get snatched up in a heartbeat. Doesn’t that tell you anything at all?

Dear stores around the world, including online, stock more size 16 now, will you please? The average sized woman demands it, we have hearts that long for a beautiful dress as well.

And yes, I’m heartbroken.