Are You Busy?
Right now I'm ruminating on the phrase "Are you busy?"
I used to have a co-worker who approached me with that line whenever she needed something. And at my last day job, I was always busy. So busy that the person who replaced me couldn't do all the work, and they had to take away several of the duties and divide them among three other staff members! So really, the answer was, yes, I was busy. Always. However, I also valued this co-worker's projects and would want to either make time to do them myself, or find some suggestion to help her do them well without me. I developed the answer, "Tell me what you need," rather than a response to the actual question. But because I was delivering it in person, she could tell that I actually meant it, I did want to know what she needed to see if I could help. I wasn't being a jerk.
But when total strangers IM me with "Are you busy?" it frankly feels like entrapment.
When someone wants me to be involved in or contribute to or join something, what I want is a layout of what the project is and what I'd need to do. A proposal. Not a cryptic IM out of the blue that just says "Are you busy?"
I'm working on the fight-or-flight response this question is triggering in me. I'd also like a good, standard answer. Maybe one that I'll make a macro of and just drop in so I'm not emotionally engaged by the entrapment-feeling. The generous part of me feels like it's a way of saying, "I have something to ask you but I don't want to bother you with details unless I get the go-ahead from you." And if I'd feel bad to bite their heads off if that was where they were coming from. Maybe they don't realize it backfires, and giving me the facts briefly is a lot less disconcerting than lobbing a weird question as to my availability.
Are any of you cornered with this question regularly? How do you handle it?
I used to have a co-worker who approached me with that line whenever she needed something. And at my last day job, I was always busy. So busy that the person who replaced me couldn't do all the work, and they had to take away several of the duties and divide them among three other staff members! So really, the answer was, yes, I was busy. Always. However, I also valued this co-worker's projects and would want to either make time to do them myself, or find some suggestion to help her do them well without me. I developed the answer, "Tell me what you need," rather than a response to the actual question. But because I was delivering it in person, she could tell that I actually meant it, I did want to know what she needed to see if I could help. I wasn't being a jerk.
But when total strangers IM me with "Are you busy?" it frankly feels like entrapment.
When someone wants me to be involved in or contribute to or join something, what I want is a layout of what the project is and what I'd need to do. A proposal. Not a cryptic IM out of the blue that just says "Are you busy?"
I'm working on the fight-or-flight response this question is triggering in me. I'd also like a good, standard answer. Maybe one that I'll make a macro of and just drop in so I'm not emotionally engaged by the entrapment-feeling. The generous part of me feels like it's a way of saying, "I have something to ask you but I don't want to bother you with details unless I get the go-ahead from you." And if I'd feel bad to bite their heads off if that was where they were coming from. Maybe they don't realize it backfires, and giving me the facts briefly is a lot less disconcerting than lobbing a weird question as to my availability.
Are any of you cornered with this question regularly? How do you handle it?
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message 1:
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Mignon
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Aug 29, 2014 02:28AM
We tell our students we're always busy and proceed to layout our day / week work load and responsibilities. Naturally, they only ask that question once and learn to ask for a slot of time - e.g. "Could I have 5 minutes of your time?".
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standard answer "maybe, what do you want?" I can even say that shit to my boss and get away with it so it's very effective somehow
helps that I am short with a tiny little voice nodules on my thyroid press on my larynx). no one actually expects me to say no, I love to surprise them
Marisella wrote: "standard answer "maybe, what do you want?"Yeah, that feels like it conveys several key points for me.
-I'm busy
-I'm clearly busy
-Everyone can see I'm busy
-Just say what the heck you want
I get this at work a lot, and generally my answer is, "I'm always busy, what do you need?" I do have a tendency to take on too much, because I don't want to be that person who isn't helpful, but the responses I get when I use this are generally what I need to know in order to determine if I can help or not. Since, like you, I am delivering this in person, they can see that I'm genuinely trying to find out if I can do what they ask. I really don't get why so many people use this question, and especially at work. What am I supposed to say? No, not at all. I'm being paid to just sit here and wait for random people to come in and ask me inane questions instead of discuss what needs to be done. I know they mean well, but you're not the only one who bristles, believe me.
LOL - I'd love to see the look on someone's face if you answered with the second reply, Cherita!!!
