My Ex Turned Me Down For A Date,

First of all I want to say thank you so much for your  website. I was doing NC but after Reading your posts, I texted her with a “just wanted to say hello”. She replied immediately saying it was good to hear from me. We hadn't talked for 3 weeks, so I was really happy when she responded right away. I waited a couple of days then emailed her asking her about her son and mother who live with her. She again replied right away and contact progressed quite rapidly from there. Me mostly initiating it and asking her about her life and giving her hints about me becoming a better person.



This is where I think I messed up. After not hearing from her for 3 days I panicked and emailed her asking if I had said anything to upset her. The following day she replied saying I had not upset her, she was busy but thought about me. I took that to mean she was warming up to me and so I emailed her back asking her if she would like to do lunch. She responded the same day thanking me for the lunch invite but said may be sometime down the road. I emailed her back saying that'll be great. It’s been a week and I haven't heard back from her. She did say in her last email “let’s keep in touch”. So here is my question, how should I proceed from here?



Answer: First of all congratulations for getting this far. I wouldn't call it “messed up.” You acted out of panic, fear and desperation and it got you off track somewhat. But what’s done is done. Beating yourself over what can’t be undone only gets you stuck and unable to think clearly and creatively.



She did say “may be sometime down the road” and not “never” (or worse), so that’s good. She also said “let’s keep in touch.” I suggest you send her a simple “I hope all is well with you” and in it ask about something she’s mentioned to you in your previous exchanges about a person/something that really matters to her (her son, mother, work, interest etc). This is to help create a sense of continuity that has been temporarily disrupted by the “too soon lunch invite”. My experience is that if she still wants to keep in touch, she'll respond to your question about the person/thing that matters to her. Most people are touched by someone remembering something specific that means a lot to them. Also add a little update on yourself but make sure it’s something worthy mentioning, otherwise you'll look like you're grasping — and that’s not good.



She may or may not respond right away, but that’s okay. You have to train yourself not to expect instant gratification and let things be. Continue following the steps in the book. Until things really warm up, postpone asking her out just yet. All the very best…