My Interview with Ever

This is my very real interview with my very fictional character…please welcome Ever-Jezebel, the protagonist of my YA paranormal novel Into the Blind…

Helen: Hi, Ever.

Ever: Hi, Helen.

Helen: Thank you for talking to me today. Here’s my first question. How—

Ever: No way. I ask first. Why did you make me all-powerful?

Helen: Well, I thought it was a nice gift to have. And besides, I really wanted to read a story about an all-powerful female, but I couldn’t find one, so I wrote about you.

Ever: Really? Not a single story?

Helen: Well, okay, okay, I’m not absolutely sure about this. I only have one Ph.D., so—

Ever: Never mind. Next question. So you made me all-powerful, fine, but why give me a boyfriend who objects to powerful women?

Helen: Well, it seemed like a cool predicament.

Ever: Cool? Are you out of your mind?

Helen: Me? No, I don’t believe so. However, one must remember that writing fiction in principle is a form of socially acceptable schizophrenia, therefore—

Ever: Forget about it. Better tell me this. At the beginning of your book, I don’t have any power. I can’t do anything. I’m just locked up in a bookstore at the mercy of a human-trafficking gang. Why?

Helen: Well—

Ever: Don’t tell me it seemed like a cool predicament.

Helen: Mmm…

Ever: You’re hopeless. But fine, whatever. Here’s what I want you to remember, though. If you write a sequel about me—and I know you’re scribbling something—I want a nice life. All smooth sailing. Understood?

Helen: No. Wait. True, there is no consensus on what constitutes a plot in a work of fiction, but at its most basic, a story must have a protagonist who gets in trouble.

Ever: Well, then you have a cool predicament on your hands, don’t you? Well, I better get going. It’s a busy life being Almighty.

Helen: Well, thank you. For not answering my questions.

Ever: Anytime, Helen. Anytime.