31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marrigae – #21 – Failure to Recognize Cultural Differences

31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage
#21 Failure to Recognize Cultural Differences

Coming off of our Thanksgiving celebration I was reminded that integrating family holiday customs and traditions is sometimes difficult. When my husband and I do a marriage conference, this is usually the first issue that we cover.

I think we all understand if husband and wife come from different cultures and/or it is a bi-racial union, those adjustments are expected and difficult at times. But even when the families of origin are very similar in beliefs, section of the country, and race, there are still unexpected compromises that need to be made. (Tweet this!)

My mother was from Indiana. My father from Oklahoma. I can remember my mom talking about the first time she had black-eyes peas. In Indiana they fed them to the hogs. In the South, they eat them for good luck on New Year’s Day. My husband’s family always had Mexican food on Christmas Eve. And did not open gifts until Christmas morning after Santa Claus had come. My family did not have Christmas stockings. My mother-in-law had made gorgeous velvet stockings with glittering, personalized figures on each one. (A tradition which I have continued.) One year our middle daughter was in California working as a nanny for a family, and she called home on Thanksgiving afternoon so upset that the dressing the family served was not the cornbread dressing she had grown up eating, and the salad was jello. She was a young woman in her twenties, a college graduate, and she was upset over dressing and jello!

Holiday traditions are important, and add a point of security for children, but failure to recognize that compromises need to be reached regarding holiday traditions, food preferences, general operation of the family — as trivial as they may sound on the surface — can erupt into major issues if not attended to. (Tweet this!) As that great philosopher, Dr. Phil says, “Relationships are managed, not controlled.” And in that management, much compromise on both sides is required.

What is a major point of adjustment you needed to make in your marriage which involved cultural differences? This might be a good time of year to discuss it with your mate … and have a good laugh!

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The post 31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marrigae – #21 – Failure to Recognize Cultural Differences appeared first on Golden Keyes Parsons.