When Silence is Golden

I wasn't even involved in the conversation. In fact, I had no idea what they were talking about. I was happily minding my own business, looking at this adorable picture I found, when it came. Despite the fact that I was in another room, busy doing something that was of the utmost importance (everyone knows that adorable pictures are high up on the priorities list), they decided they wanted to drag me into the conversation.

"Isn't that right?"

Um, no, it's not. But maybe it would be if I was actually PART OF THIS CONVERSATION.

But, instead of screeching at them that I have no idea of what they're talking about, which would be rude (quite as rude as them interrupting my adorable picture session), I ask them what they're talking about and answer their question. Then I can finally go back to looking at cutesy pictures.

Five minutes later, I realize that they are still talking to me. But not only are they still talking to me, they still require my input. "Isn't that right?" No, I won't say you're right until I know what in the world I'm even agreeing to. So, again, I answer their question, and go back to what I'm doing. Which, by this time, is sending that picture to a bunch of people I think will enjoy it almost as much as I did.

The third time, when they start talking to me, I'm aware of it,. because I know from experience that if I don't hear it all the first time, I will be interrupted, again, with another query as to my thoughts on it. If I don't have the answer, they will, again, have to repeat it. All of it. Which will, of course, disrupt what I'm trying to do even more.

There's only one problem with this masterful theory. Now that they have my attention (as divided as it is) they want my approval on everything. EVERYTHING, I TELL YOU.They expect me to hear everything they say, and be able to answer that I agree with everything, every time they ask. By this time, I've started this blog post to complain about it. By now, there are two of them. TWO. And now they're both commenting on how loudly and fast I type. And, of course, they require my agreement that I sound like I'm pounding the keyboard half to death.

The only thing that saves me is when those two people refocus on each other instead of me. Although this is a limited salvation, since it's usually only a matter of time before they start a debate about something and ask for my opinion again.

It drives me insane. It's not too bad when I'm doing nothing, but I do hate to be interrupted. I take my cute pictures very seriously.

As a self-defense mechanism, I've learned to ignore the chattering for the most part, while still managing to catch the gist of what they're talking about. This doesn't eliminate the interruptions, but it makes them a little more bearable. And when I say bearable, I mean that I can agree to whatever they're saying without breaking my concentration on other things.

I've always found it annoying that people can, and do, drag me into conversations in which I play no active part, and am making no effort to be heard. It's especially annoying if I'm doing something else, and am obviously not paying the slightest attention whatsoever to what they're talking about. If I wanted to be involved, I would at least be listening. If I wanted to talk, I would talk.

Now, I would be the first to agree that listening is important. Everybody deserves to be listened to, and there aren't many good listeners out there right now.

However, it's also wearing when you have to listen all the time. If they never shut up, you shut them out. Not only is that detrimental to them, but you may miss something important buried in all of that other stuff they feel the need to constantly talk about. If they feel like no one listens, then they'll probably just talk even more. Which (at least in my case) results in me blocking more of what they say. It's a vicious cycle.

I don't know why these people feel the need to seek out validation for everything they say with people who are not listening (I'm far from the only victim). What I can say, though, is that if you talk too much, people may stop listening. If all you have to say is chatter that has no real purpose but to fill a silence, eventually someone will stop listening.

Talking is a means of communication. And while it can be enjoyable, it's not there to be noise. It's there to serve a purpose. And that purpose is not to drive other people absolutely bonkers. Just FYI, in case you didn't know. It's also not meant to be used as a form of torture on unwilling and unsuspecting victims who are just listening to music with sound-canceling headphones. (Been there, done that - headphones need to come with mandatory "do not disturb" signs.)

If you need the opinion of another person to validate everything you're saying, whether they are listening or not, then be prepared. Your talent for irritation will soon be recognized. Allow me to suggest that you at least ask someone that's participating in the conversation, and not the random person who is not listening in the next room.

Perhaps you should also ask yourself why you are so vastly uncomfortable with silence that you feel the need to fill it with chatter, even if no one is listening. Maybe you should ask why you need to drag unwilling participants into this conversation.

There is not a need for constant talking, just like there is not a need for constant communication. Sometimes, silence truly is golden. Especially for those people that don't hear it very often. If you think a little more about who you're talking to, and if they're busy, maybe they'll be more likely to listen when you do want to talk. If you don't try to force them into participating, they'll probably be more willing to listen when there's something you really need to talk about. Then, it will be communication, not chatter, not noise, and a lot less annoying.

So, remember...silence is golden. But duct tape is silver. :P