Things Are Different Now

“When you write of us…do so gently.”
–as heard while watching the 2009 film ANGELS AND DEMONS

August 25, 1988 I set my Polaroid camera ‘timer’ and took a couple of solo portrait shots of myself.   I had to take two and suddenly realized I could see the TWO sides of me (being the GEMINI that I am).  
These two photographs were an interesting self-study.   I think any person who is a GEMINI should take two portraits of themselves and examine them to see your different sides/looks/emotions. 

 A few days later (August 28, 1988) I did the same for my young niece, Ashley.   She’s not a Gemini, of course.   She’s a very opinionated TAURUS the Bull.   It was interesting to see the two sides of her in these portraits as well. 
One was her ‘I want to be SNOW WHITE version’ and the other was her ‘Look Mister, take the damn picture so I can get on with my activities (as she holds her WHY DID GRANDPA DIE? Book).

I also took a cutie-pie photo of Holly in a cozy position on the floor.
PHOTOS:  Aug 28, 1988 Portraits of Ashley Marie Armijo
Speaking of Grandpa (my father)…he died a year ago on the Saturday morning of August 29, 1987.   It was clear to me on this day that my former heartthrob Kelly still had a heart.   She remembered.   She was still thinking of me.   She wrote me a card dated August 26, 1988 and I received it on August 28, 1988.   The cover of the card had these words imprinted on it:  MAY YOUR MEMORIES COMFORT YOU.   Inside the card, the imprinted words were as follows:   May you find comfort in each thought of happiness your loved one brought, and may it help in some small way to know that warm thoughts are with you today.

Kelly personally wrote the following: Mike,
I know things are different now, but to me it’s important to let you know that I’m remembering your sorrow over your father’s death last August.   Though I wasn’t lucky enough to meet him from what you told me about him he sounded like the greatest father a person could ever have.  You were lucky, and so was he.   I hope this time of year will be easier for you and your family.  You’re a very special person, Mike.  You will always hold a special place in my heart.
Love,
Kelly

I needed these words right now.   It meant so much to me that Kelly would write these words to me.   Things are ‘different’ now and they will unlikely ever be the same between us.   I hope she will return to be a part of my life somehow.   I just know I don’t want her in my life now.  It hurts too much.   I need to move on.   As her card clearly states:  ‘May Your Memories Comfort You’.    I am trying to feel this. In an effort to ‘move on’ I arranged and followed through on the outing to Berkeley with my good buddies (Jim from the Gym and Michael G. Miller). 

I got so excited when I saw the PALOMA Restaurant I had Mike Miller take a photo of me in front of the sign.  I knew I had to send this photo to Paloma eventually.
Jim from the Gym is inspiring.  He always talks about ‘working out’ and ‘keeping in shape’.   It’s so true.  It has to become a WAY OF LIFE because it’s so easy to let one’s guard down and eat, eat, eat.  That’s the danger zone if exercise isn’t in the picture because the next phase will be fat, fat, fat.  Ugh!

I returned to mom’s house later and my nieces, Ashley and Holly, were still there.   I took a few more photos and then Sherri arrived to whisk Ashley and Holly back to their house. 
Tomorrow is another day.   And for me, it’s my typical commute to San Francisco to my cubicle at Pacific Bell (ugh).
And evidently, even in ties past when he had thought and done the opposite of the things he was thinking and doing today, he had somehow known or at least dimly divined the dubiousness of it all.--Hermann Hesse, The Glass Bead Game, a novel, The Legend (Chapter)