How To Date A Writer

Photo Credit: Alex Stoddard This is going to be a fun, easy post, because today and tomorrow I am spending the entire day READING THROUGH MY FIRST DRAFT. The steampunk fantasy is on its way! And the best part is, I have actually laughed OUT LOUD from some of the stuff I wrote in the first chapter. I can't wait to share some excerpts with you in my first newsletter, going out September 1st.

Because of some compliments on my YouTube videos, I've made a proposition. If I get TEN MORE SUBSCRIBERS to my newsletter by September 1st, I will make a video regaling you all with the horrific story of my first kiss. It involves braces, Hawaii, and me as an awkward sixteen year old. Three out of the ten have already subscribed, so I need SEVEN MORE. So if you want to hear about that and laugh your ass off (at least, my sister does), then Subscribe for it here.

You'll also receive my short story, "Cruel," for free! So far I've gotten an Amazon review from my Twitter and #wordsprint friend, David Hiller, who said:

"An exciting tale of the near-future that avoids any teenage clichés that plague many science fiction novels. The heroine commands our attention and the plot keeps delivering. I can only hope Carlson will surprise us soon with a novel or collection of stories."

Thanks David! Made my week. Maybe even my month.

So here are just a few funny (but probably true) things that you need to keep in mind when dating a writer. If you want it to go well, that is.
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HOW TO DATE A WRITER:
1. Read their stuff. Any time that they tell you it's ready. Bonus points if you beg to read it, even when they say it's NOT ready.

2. Listen as they discuss the writer's block they're experiencing, and provide as much sympathy and encouragement as you would to someone who is going through, say, a SERIOUS life crisis. Because it is one.

3. Provide creative character names when they ask you for some. Like, LEGITIMATE names. Not "Boris" or "Maude." Unless they want suggestions for a villain, or an old person, or something. Same goes for mythical places.

4. Provide coffee/breakfast to your writer loved one when they wake up from a dream and sprint into their office, writing furiously and talking to themselves. They are having a moment, a SERIOUS moment that cannot be interrupted. Except by coffee. That you brewed. And eggs, too. That you made.

5. Get used to your writer being on social media. And laughing about things people say on Twitter that you have no understanding of. Just...get used to it.

6. Also get used to your writer not wearing pants. Pants are very uncomfortable when you are sitting somewhere for many hours thinking up fantastical prose. Actually...pants are uncomfortable all the time.

7. Prepare yourself when your writer says they are about to write a sex scene. Because they are going to get very turned on, and will want to be intimate with you afterwards. Consider lying on the bed in the nude while you wait for them.

8. And finally.... READ THEIR STUFF (this is important enough to be on the list twice).  Did I say to read their stuff? Because you should really read their stuff.

Read it and offer five compliments for every criticism. Because they are sharing their soul with you, and since you are not only their partner, but probably one of the first people to ever read it, they are very fragile. And they want you to love it. Love their work, and you are loving them.

All right folks, I'm off to read my WIP now! Until next time, keep writing and keep dreaming!