This Door Exists Only In Your Mind

Or, A Look Inside The Whimsical Writing Life:

Six years ago I disconnected our doorbell.  It was easy.  You take the screws out top and bottom, remove the fixture, unwind two wires, then put the fixture back.

Why did I do this crazy thing?  Aha HA ha ha!  Wait for it…

I disconnected our doorbell because people kept ringing it.

When the writing's going well and I have my head deep into my storyline, the last thing I want to do is talk to random strangers who want to sell me politicians, Jesus, cookies, yard services, etc.  That's right.  I don't even want to buy cookies.

If you're not at all home all day, you might be surprised how many people are roaming around banging on doors.

It's my position that this is rude as hell.  It's rude, man.  Did I say that already?  If I want politicians, Jesus, cookies or yard services, I will shop for them.  Right?

Okay.  Here's where I get dangerously out-of-mainstream.  Brace yourself.

I don't use my cell phone, either.  I mean I don't give anyone my number, which has earned me more than one what-are-you-psycho look from friends or family who ask about getting together.  My experience is that if you give people your cell number, they will call you even if you've told them only to use it in emergencies.

It's really not an emergency if you just want to chat about the weekend.  God forbid you need to text me because you just saw a funny YouTube video or ate the greatest taco of your life.  You can call me on the home number, but our ringer's off and the machine is on Mute and I won't pick up because even though we're on every No Call list you can imagine, the politicians passed a useful law that says every political campaign on the planet can still call and so can any company that's ever done business with you in the past.

Heck, why even bother with No Call lists with exceptions like that?

(The joke is that a few years ago, being Californians, we received a recorded call from The Terminator himself during his campaign.  "Come with me if you want to live."  Awesome.)

What have we learned today?  That I'm a fun, energetic, gregarious guy who loves to hear from friends and fans alike.  I honestly am!  I swear it! But not while I'm working.

They don't let random people into office buildings.  That I work at home shouldn't mean there's a double standard.

So ring that bell all ya want, stranger.  I can't hear you.