How to tell when you have a drinking problem ...

Working as concierge in a huge hotel in a bustling entertainment district, I've learned something wonderful about myself, something that makes me sigh with relief ... and please take note, dear wife: Evidently, I don't have a drinking problem after all!

The proof:
I do not vomit on lobby floors.
I do not try to kiss strangers in elevators.
I do not run around hotel hallways in my underwear until I pass out.
I do not lose my telephone while trawling the bars of lower Broadway.

Yes, bartender, thank you -- I will have another.