My Own Private Liberty DeVitto
Even I, with my musical illiteracy, know there are few things more valuable to a composer than a great drummer. And Liberty DeVitto was an excellent drummer. And Billy Joel probably did screw over his band to some degree. Still, after reading most of that biography last night (see my 92785 tweets on the subject; I haven't dared check to see if I lost most of my followers yet), I feel inspired to make up my own Liberty DeVitto quote:
"Yeah, we met this scientist who invented a cure for world hunger, but Billy bought it and threw it in the ocean off Oyster Bay. He was drinking Scotch and yelling 'Fuck you, I'm Billy Joel!' while he did it. I think he spent a lot of his life being frustrated because his dick was so small. I was born with a fat eight-incher, and finally -- this was while I was writing most of the songs on The Nylon Curtain -- he asked me if I'd consider a transplant. Just like, 'Hey, Lib, man, can I have your dick? It's not right that a big star like me should have such a small one.' So I did it. I let him have my dick. Because I really loved the guy, you know? Had it transplanted right onto him. He never gave me credit. I had a kidney removed and cryonically frozen at the same time, just in case he ever needed an extra one, but I heard he took it out of the deep freeze and pissed on it a few years ago. Pissed on it with my dick. I'm not bitter, but that just ain't right, you know? I think he was mad because Christie Brinkley always had a secret thing for me. Hey, Christie, if you're reading this, you still got my number, right?"
"Yeah, we met this scientist who invented a cure for world hunger, but Billy bought it and threw it in the ocean off Oyster Bay. He was drinking Scotch and yelling 'Fuck you, I'm Billy Joel!' while he did it. I think he spent a lot of his life being frustrated because his dick was so small. I was born with a fat eight-incher, and finally -- this was while I was writing most of the songs on The Nylon Curtain -- he asked me if I'd consider a transplant. Just like, 'Hey, Lib, man, can I have your dick? It's not right that a big star like me should have such a small one.' So I did it. I let him have my dick. Because I really loved the guy, you know? Had it transplanted right onto him. He never gave me credit. I had a kidney removed and cryonically frozen at the same time, just in case he ever needed an extra one, but I heard he took it out of the deep freeze and pissed on it a few years ago. Pissed on it with my dick. I'm not bitter, but that just ain't right, you know? I think he was mad because Christie Brinkley always had a secret thing for me. Hey, Christie, if you're reading this, you still got my number, right?"
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