From the Detroit Free Press: Why I don't - and shouldn't - cruise

I love cars.

They don't love me back.

I think they're afraid of me. I would be. My handling of cars over the years has been horrific. I have smashed them, crashed them, lost their mirrors, lost their doors, and, on numerous occasions, lost the cars altogether. Whenever my family sees me slide behind the wheel, they say, "Wait. You're driving?" They have reason to be scared. When I approach a vehicle, I should be wearing a shroud.

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