deserving

We are doing some upgrading around the house, adding a nicer TV and couch. We have a rule at our house that we don't buy anything unless we can pay cash for it (this includes cars, though not our house, which we still have a mortgage on.)

When I went in to talk to one of the salesman, he wanted to know what we currently had. Well, we are one of those people who had to get the special boxes on all of our TVs when stations went digital because we still have all analog. Yup, that's how old the two TVs are (one is down in the exercise room). Also, not very big. After watching a movie on a nicer TV, all the kids came home and said they felt like they were watching TV through a keyhole on our old TV.

It has been interesting to me to observe my own feelings as I go through this process.

1. Embarrassment

I am embarrassed because I feel like I am exposing myself by having people come into my house and see what it is like inside, and deal with their judgments about my choices in life.

2. Guilt

I feel guilty because I grew up with the sense that you should keep making do with what you have on hand, essentially forever. You can only replace things if they are broken beyond repair. This attitude sometimes leads me to pay to repair things that I should probably replace.

3. Amusement

It isn't until I am replacing things that I realize how old they really are. We have realized over the last couple of years that if we are getting rid of something because we don't think it's nice enough--no one in the entire USA wants it. No one is that poor. I think of myself as fairly well off, so that's why this seems amusing to me.

4. Relief

I hate the commercials where the message seems to be that you should buy this because it is "deserved." You've worked hard enough, or you are good enough, that you should have whatever expensive thing is being offered. I don't accept this attitude. I don't think I deserve much beyond basic living expenses. But when my old things have become so outdated that I am forced to replace them and get one of the nicer things that is all that is available now, it is a relief to no longer have to convince myself that it is allowed.

The most recent experience I have had with this kind of replacement is when I finally decided that I needed a cell phone. Last year. Yup. 2009. When I finally decided it, I went out and got the one I liked the most, which was an iphone. It completely changed my life. I know how I lived without it, and I'm sure I could again. But boy is it a dandy piece of fun to have around. Also, useful.