Revision As Whittling

I’ll Meet You There. Don’t forget, these are two sentences I wrote and re-wrote for two years as I worked on the book and STILL it wasn’t ready. On my last revision, I sat laboring over this sentence for several minutes. This after two years of thinking I’d revised it to perfection. After my editor, her assistant, the copyeditor, and countless beta readers had a go at the ms. I could have let it go—it was good enough, wasn’t it? No. It stuck out. I had a niggling feeling that I couldn’t ignore. This is what happened at my desk:





Original #1:



As I worked, the world around me ceased to exist. All I thought about was the feel of the paper under my fingers and the creature straining to burst from the collage.





First attempt:





As I worked, the world around me fell away, my world whittled down to the feel of the paper under my fingers and the creature straining to burst from the collage.





Final:





As I worked, the lobby fell away, my world whittled down to the feel of the paper under my fingers…