The wickedness of designers (Part 2)

The solution to my radio alarm problem seemed to be an Oregon Scientific EC101, so I sent off for it and set it up. A find clear set of numerals, but other disappointments began to emerge: the radio is tinny, the projection beam is fixed, and worst of all, the radio alarm is only able to come on at high volume. It can be controlled, but not in alarm mode. This means we can only be woken by a shocking yell from the Today programme. By the time I’d worked out that this was not a fault of my own, but is built in to the machine, it was too late to send the whole thing back for a replacement. So now I’m searching the internet for a better clock. For a while the Philips AJ5030 looked perfect, until I found a review which complained that the radio sound volume comes on with the alarm at high volume, and can’t be stopped. The same defect. Astonishing! Do the designers never test their own products? I’m intrigued to find that our fabled capitalist system, which is supposed to serve customers by building an ever-better mousetrap, is unable to learn customers needs and serve them. On scanning the web I find streams of disappointed customers all repeating the same complaints that I’ve listed. There are so many models and types of radio alarm clocks on the market that you would have thought one manufacturer would have done their homework and so achieved market dominance, as Apple has in its own field. What is preventing this from happening? Are there any industrial designers out there who can allow me a peep into their mindset? I long to visit Philips, or Oregon Scientific, and engage in a frank discussion with them. What gets them out of bed in the morning? Whose praise do they seek? How are they rewarded? My suspicion is that they’re designing for each other, not for me. I picture them sitting round a test lab necking Jack Daniels and competing with each other to find ways to outsmart the consumer. ‘How about we put the radio on/off button really close to the alarm set button, so they hit the wrong one and turn off the alarm?’ ‘And let’s make the buttons look exactly alike, and colour them black so they can’t read them at night!’ ‘And give ‘em something they don’t want, like four different alarm settings!’ ‘Hey, do you ever use the Snooze button?’ ‘Hell, no. Who wants to turn the damn thing off and have it come on again while you’re cleaning your teeth?’ ‘Okay, so let’s make the Snooze button the only really big one they can find.’ ‘And we just have to lock in the alarm volume so it makes them shit in their sheets when it goes off!’ The devil is at work here, my friends. This is not incompetence, this is wickedness. As for my own needs, I have now decided my only solution is a combination of two alarm clock radios, one beside the other. One will manage the time display, the other the wake-up radio alarm. Perhaps that’s all part of the evil plan too. ‘Make’em buy more than one…’