Being a woman is both easier and harder than you might imagine

So, I read this blurb making its way around the web, a post on ThoughtCatalog by contributor Caitlin Leggett, with the misleading title: "50 Ways To Be a Woman." You, too, can read it at http://thoughtcatalog.com/caitlin-leg....

Now, I don't really consider myself a feminist, but I was all ready to get up in arms about some of Caitlin's points. Until I saw that she's a college freshman. At the University of Arkansas. So in that case, far be it from me to discourage this young southern belle from writing, exploring, and expressing her views. Rather, I should say: Way to go Ms. Leggett! It's awesome that you're composing, being pro-active, and all that jazz. And I am absolutely not being sarcastic. More young women your age should be doing exactly that. I'm sure your article received far more views and shares than my measly little blog. Kudos to you. I hope you keep at it, even when you're the dentist that you plan on becoming.

Having said that, I have a serious bone to pick with many of Caitlin's points. (I hope, if she ever reads this, she will manage to distinguish between my critique of her views and my encouragement of her personal achievement in sharing them.) First of all, some are good advice for anyone entering adulthood, but I have no idea why they should apply specifically to women: "Learn to keep a checkbook," "be leery of who you trust," "handle confrontation with grace and dignity," "practice good telephone manners," and "find beauty in every day." Others are more offensive, however, and range between the overtly sexist -- "learn to walk in high heels" and "wear pink;" to the archaic -- "a few conservative dresses, a string of pearls, a nice handbag, and a good pair of pumps should always be in your wardrobe" (seriously, were you born in the 1940s? 1840s?); to the downright bizarre -- "learn to handle your liquor."

While she advises: "do not restrict yourself to gender stereotypes," in fact, her first point in her 50 ways to be a woman is this: "Practice good personal grooming habits. If you are going to have colored hair, keep your roots covered. If you are going to have fake nails, keep them filled. Take care of your skin, take care of your teeth." Is this really the measure of being a woman? Perhaps it's no wonder that Arkansas is ranked the 7th worst state for women. See: http://247wallst.com/special-report/2.... And while she also advises: "Never allow a man to make you feel inferior," she also says: "Do not outwardly reject society’s conventions of a woman just because they differ from your personal convictions."

So, given this wealth of contradictions, along with her warning to watch out since one never knows if one might become a Sunday school teacher someday (which I am), I'd like to point out (and this subject is touched upon in my novel, The Tides of Time and Chance, which is set in the 17th century) that many of these "society's conventions" of what it means to be a woman have absolutely revolting roots in the historically misogynistic distortion of Scripture. It's not just the right to vote that women have had to fight for over the years. How about "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?" Sorry, only for men. Property? Nope. Wife-beating? Absolutely legal. No joke. And justified by the Bible, no less. And even though we've come a long way past some of the cultures and religions that we enlightened Westerners look down our noses at today for their oppression of women, we don't have to go as far back as the 17th century to find some of the same chauvinistic treatment of women that prompted Caitlin to suggest that women should "dress modestly," for example. And before I get raked over the coals by well-meaning Christian friends, please note that the New Testament version of modesty has much more to do with not overly adorning oneself outwardly than with wearing a burqa. In fact, it was men Jesus warned to take control of their adulterous thoughts, not women about… Anyway.

I would also like to observe that there are many points to be gleaned from the ancient Proverbs 31 passage concerning a woman whose value is far above rubies, rendered "virtuous" by those translators commissioned by King James (don't get me started on that so-called "translation," but "woman of valor" is much closer to the original Hebrew), that reek less of the modern narrow-mindedness prevalent in Caitlin's list. Proverbs 31 doesn't say much about a woman bearing countless offspring whom she is compelled to shepherd day and night; it says her children make her happy (that's one way to translate it, by the way; look it up). It doesn't say she wears a dress and pumps; it says she girds herself with strength and dignity. It doesn't say her place is limited to the kitchen or at home; it describes her as an entrepreneur, a go-getter. It doesn't say she keeps her house perfectly clean; it says she has servants -- she's obviously got better things to do. It doesn't say she keeps her mouth shut when she's got something to say; it says both wisdom and kindness are on her tongue. It doesn't say she has to have the perfect hair and nails; it says she is God-fearing.

I could go on and on, but I'll conclude with my favorite item from Caitlin's list, her point #22: "Cultivate yourself as an interesting person and develop a personality that is unique to yourself." I do hope she will follow her own advice. She should start by questioning why she believes what she believes about women, and about herself.

As for me, if I could have a list with only one item on it, I would tell Caitlin and all young women: Be yourself. Don't feel trapped into living up to anyone's expectations of womanhood. Even your own.