Not comin' on the Peace Train.

So, the date with Peace Train yesterday. 

I was surprised to find that I didn't hate him. Probably one of the truest things ever said about me was this one time when my city pals Taylor and Ang were on their way to Mayo to deliver a care package to (and hopefully see) Dio when he was in the last moments of his hard metal rockin' life, and Ang was telling Taylor a story about me that Taylor laughed at and then wrapped up with, "Yeah, Amber doesn't seem like the kind of girl who suffers fools gladly." 

DAMN RIGHT I DON'T. 

I try, you guys. This summer especially, I've really been working on my patience and gentleness of spirit and that whole forgiveness thing. And if you're my friend, this stuff comes really easily to me...but if you're a ditzy coworker or a rude date, I tend to have a really hard time masking my irritation during my interactions with you. 

Like I said: I'm working on it. I can become a better person, too, everybody. 

So anyway, I was kind of apprehensive that this guy was going to walk in and open his mouth and then I would Hulk Smash him through the windows or something, because I also tend to overreact in an overly dramatic way, sometimes. 

But I didn't. He walked in, he was fairly cute, and we ended up sitting and chatting for quite a while. 

Like I talked about with my other Tinder date, I'm trying to do this thing now where I'm not making snap judgements or assumptions on our potential compatibility based on past experiences or what I *think* might be true. I've learned that if and when I'm immediately, powerfully attracted to someone and can immediately predict every point of our (hot, perfect, amazing) future together, it usually means that there's something about them that's setting off all of my deep-seated issues, and I'm probably going to end up paying for this attraction later. So instead, I've learned to pay more attention to the "Hmm. Maybe..." guys: The ones where I'm a little unsure about the level of my attraction or compatibility with them, but there's enough there where I'm open to going on another date to suss it out, etc. 

Anyway. He was a "Hmm. Maybe" type guy.

But here's the thing: There's a part of me that doesn't want to hold the whole "I ditched you and then waited four days to apologize" thing against him, because online dating stuff is weird and I've learned to really not take anything personally until the person has actually met me. However, like I also talked about before, the most important thing I'm looking for is great character...and people with great character don't typically blow off someone they had made plans with and then wait a week to apologize for it. 

(The great character thing is also why I'm working really hard on my patience and forgiveness and all that shiz. Because you gotta give it to get, yeah?)

So yeah. After about an hour and a half of conversation, he went mountain biking and I went back to writing. I was working at the Minnow later that night, so he told me he would stop by after his ride for a beer or two, and I replied that since I was working I would see him there whether I wanted to or not. 

He thought that was hilarious. Sometimes it drives me crazy that the more mean I am to guys, the more they like me. 

So he stopped in later, and my friend Lacy and Corrinne also showed up, so they all sat at the bar together and got to know one another. Normally I would say it's to a guy's credit that he can hang out and have an ongoing, good conversation with a date's friends (because that stuff can be awkward and pressurized and weird), but it's more to a guy's discredit if you can't have a great conversation with my friend Lacy - she's probably one of the best conversationists I've ever met, so if things are awkward, it's because you're making it that way. Luckily for Peace Train, it looked like they were hitting it off. He stuck around until after I was done with my shift, so we had a drink together and talked for a while longer before I announced that it was time for me to hang it up and go home. There was no awkward hug or anything, which was a relief, and he sent me a text later that night that could not have been more innocuous: "Hey. Got home. Hayward was cool. Minnow is a nice place. Glad I could talk with you." 

I think I'm getting better at this stuff. There were a couple of weird comments that he made...small little red flags that popped up here and there, but I decided to just let those things go in the moment because we all say dumb stuff when we meet someone for the first time and/or are on a first date...but there was also this really great moment when he was (foolishly, stupidly) taking me through the details of the Sunday date he had decided to go on instead of showing up for *our* date: "It was a third date. She didn't know who Tom Petty was," he said, shaking his head in disgust. And the clouds parted, the sun started shining, and I totally remembered being that guy - the one who would negate someone for something petty (get it) like that. Because they don't know who Tom Petty is, and so this is never going to work. It's usually a thing that you do in your late 20s, when what you think are standards are actually really petty (are you getting the pun yet?), meaningless-in-the-scheme-of-things details based on likes/dislikes. Does not knowing who Tom Petty is going to prevent her from wanting to stick it out and take care of you if you get cancer? Does not knowing who sang "Free Fallin'" predict an inevitable affair with your best friend? If she can't name all the members of the Traveling Wilburys, does that mean that she's going to end up being emotionally manipulative and pulling a complete bait and switch once you marry this person? C'MON. 

I can remember being that person, and now I realize - holy shit, who would've wanted to date that? Who in their right mind would have wanted to date someone who was literally looking for any small, silly fact, opinion, or slip of the tongue as a reason to not date you?

This is that moment when I officially and formally apologize to Eric Malmberg, who tried to point this out to me years ago and was repaid for it by me getting suuuuuper mad at him. 

Eric Malmberg, you were right, I was wrong. Congratulations, you did it. Great job, Malmberg, on being right for once. 

But also, I am happily not that person anymore. Don't know who Tom Petty is? Cool. He's not my favorite, but we can do a little Spotify playlist trade-off and I can share his music with you and you can share some music with me that I've never heard of before and it can become a bonding experience for the both of us. Hells, I have a handful of friends right now who've never seen Top Gun or Cocktail. Was it a deal breaker for our friendship? No. Did I wonder how they possibly managed to live this long without catching a scene or two of either or both movies while they played on cable TV every other Saturday afternoon of their entire natural lives? Yes. But that is also why God invented slumber parties and lazy rainy Sunday afternoons and Netflix - so we could bring the miracles that are Tom-Cruise-Before-He-Was-Crazy-Movies into each other's lives and share those experiences together.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is: I'm getting better at this stuff, but it still means that I'm single and not getting kissed any time soon...so maybe we should talk about whether it's better to be theoretically better at dating but still not be getting laid or if it's better to be really bad at dating and still get laid all the time?

These are the questions of our time, people.