Outwitting humans: a guide for common household objects

By Mary Jane Maffini aka Victoria Abbott
Welcome! Today we’ll start with a salute to single socks.  Look at you go!  Of all household objects, socks seem to have the most ambition, know how and cunning.  Although, we feel a certain sadness for the partners left behind, we know that all you escaped single socks will find adventure and happiness in your new lives. 
They're lonely, sure, but it's the price to be paid.
  Nothing ventured. Nothing gained.  We imagine you doing well.
For escaped socks, life is one long party: martinis, candlelight, you name it.

Then all you sunglasses must not be overlooked, because for sure the humans will get bent out of shape finding you.  Here’s a suggested exercise: edge yourself up to something that will provide a bit of camouflage.  See here's a tricky pair of sunglasses disappearing into the black cushion.  The human will hunt and hunt and will be very lucky to find you before someone sits on you.  Be careful!  This is great practice working up to making a break for it at the grocery store or the bank.  If you are good looking at all,  you’ll never have to go back home.  
They won't be looking here. Laugh your head off!
A similar strategy is the well-known black on black technique: here we see a wallet lounging on a black chair, invisible to the searching eye.  Once the panic has set in and the credit cards have been cancelled and the ID reapplied for, you can make yourself seen.  You’ll end up back in the pocket, but you’ll always have the satisfaction of knowing your power. 


Finally, keys.  You are very adept at getting lost.  Some of you hide in umbrellas, shoes or out of season clothing, but really, to create a storm, all you have to do is slide under a larger object.  Use your core muscles to get under a magazine, a scarf or a book and watch the excitement start.


Sidle under a book and they'll ransack the house looking for you! Too funny for words.
Next week:  we’ll have top tips for all you  passports,  reading glasses and umbrellas.In the meantime, happy hiding my friends.  I can hear your humans gnashing their teeth from here. And really, such language!