Post the Eightieth: TALES FROM THE BUTCH SIDE

Was… Was that a flash of lightning, Gentle Reader?

And – can you hear that ominous music, or is it just me?

Wait – does everything suddenly feel all strange and different? I suddenly feel the need to code switch and perform the expected social roles of an American Heterosexual Man*! AAAAAAAAAAH!

Gentle Reader, may I present to you a new blog feature:

It was a dark and stormy night a heteronormative construction site, and my boss and I had finished laying the house’s foundation a few months earlier. When we returned to pour the concrete driveway, the house had almost entirely been finished.  Tony and I mostly worked in concrete, but we did a little landscaping on the side as well. When the homeowner found this out, he asked us to come back the next week, and lay some sod.

We returned as promised, and set to work.

There was quite a bit of debris that had to be removed from  the site that was to become a lawn. At one point in time, it had been an orchard, and there were dead tree-corpses littering the ground. My job was to load them into the scoop of the tractor as well as the huge rocks and other debris that would keep the lawn from being graded, then run on ahead to guide my boss along the obstacle course of fences, trees, and out-buildings to the cliffside where we were dumping the bodies.

And then, when I turned my back for a split second to make sure the homeowner’s children and dogs were out of the way of the tractor† -

The blade of the bucket of the tractor struck me in the shoulder, sending me flying through the air, leaving what looked like an angry red snake on my collarbone, chest, shoulder, and back for months. I still have the scar, bro – wanna see?

*********

*It is commonly known that if you’re bitten by a heterosexual man under a full moon, he probably likes you quite a lot.

†Seriously, if you have people doing work at your home, keep children and pets away from the worksite.

Tagged: Angry Ghosts!, Construction Work, Horror Stories, Laying Sod Is Totally A Euphemism Yall, Tales From The Butch Side, That Time I Got Hit By A Tractor Bro