You Can Always Find Time to Write (and other hilarious myths).

I Pondered this notion today while cleaning cat feces from the floor of my new condo. Not that cleaning up cat crap makes me think of writing. It's just that I was writing when my son came into my room and said "Cat crap. 0400". (We come from a military family so whether or not that actually makes sense isn't important. He hears the term occasionally. He knows it has to do with timing or location so just chill. Moving on).

These are the wonders that interrupt me while I'm trying to write: unexpected cat soilings, unexpected "grandson" accidents, although those are usually expected and greatly feared. There always seems to be something to pull me away from my computer and keep me from completing my manuscript.

So as I was sprinting down the stairs today, cleaner in hand cursing my cat and yelling at him to "please use his toilet" I fantasized about how grand it would be to be able to write with abandon undisturbed. How it might feel to not have to worry about anything but putting words down on paper. I don't imagine most writers have this luxury, although I know some do. And I choose to envy them with passionate hatred until the end of time. So here is my list of things that must go in order to attain this mythical state of writing:

1) Do not have children. Writers who do not have children can double or even triple their work in my humble  opinion because they are not being continuously pulled from the computer to attend to this crisis or that desperate emergency (all of which are not usually real crisis or real desperate emergencies but simply that in the mind of the child).


2) Do not have pets. I speak specifically of cats in this instance. Cats are fairly low-maintenance in general. However they love nothing more than to curl up on your keyboard while you're trying to work, thus contributing to your manuscript in ways you couldn't possibly think of on your own which may sound fabulous if you suffer from writer's block. But I personally have never found "akjhdaknco835nbv1398745y0qnsmnpaqytu4rtaCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC" to be useful in dispelling writers block. Maybe it's just me. And if your cat is like mine, he will regularly knock over glasses of water regardless of whether or not your computer is sitting in its path, and because I just moved he thinks he needs to mark his territory all over my house which thrills me beyond words.


3) Do not have friends. I have decided that a social life is also a luxury that writers cannot afford. I find myself so bogged down with the whole kid/cat/work thing that all of my free time is used up on writing, leaving me no free time to socialize and nurture friendships. Bless my lifelong friends who are still willing to call me "friend" even though they only hear from me once every lunar cycle. (And that's on a good month!).


4) Do not have a job. This again is another unrealistic desire as most of us are still struggling to find our place on the literary map, and even if that "published" dream is met, the day job is usually a keeper for a while to pay bills. And I say day job because most of us end up working during the day and writing into the wee hours of the night which means we never sleep which means we suck at our day jobs and really need to be good writers so writing can be our day job!

These are only a few things one must eliminate from life in order to become a good writer, and most of us refuse to do so because these things (as stressful as they may be) are the only things that bring us joy in a world of writerly madness. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that finding uninterrupted time to write is difficult. Even writers who have no children or day job find themselves pulled away from their work by other distractions. Life moves on while we try to create stories and somehow we must find balance. Over time we do. Each writer has a different way of making it work and we must be succeeding because books are written and sold every day.

So the next time you run into your writer friends give them a hug and tell them it's okay. Pat them on the back and say "It's all good. I know that I won't see you for nine more months, but I still think you're really groovy." This will eliminate at least some of the guilt that piles on the shoulders of a creative minded soul. The same mind that will eventually provide you with endless entertainment. So be kind. (and just for emphasis, as I type these words my grandson is squawking a continuous barrage of "Gramma!" from the guest bedroom that will not cease until I go in and see what he wants, AND my cat is meowing and thrusting agitated paws under my bedroom door so that once I open it for him, he can contemplate for five or ten minutes whether or not he actually wants to enter the room.)