The Ten Stages of Querying

While I wait for responses from the agents I’ve queried (a process that will likely take many weeks more. Agents are BUSY) I’ve passed through what I can only describe as The Ten Stages of Querying. I’ll enumerate and elaborate on them below for your amusement and/or edification:

Obsessive phone checking. At first I turned to my phone, badgering and pestering it in the vain hopes that maybe there was an email from an agent waiting on there it had forgotten to tell me about.
Obsessive email checking on the computer. Convinced my phone might be a little more fallible than I’d like, I quickly turned into the paranoid wacko-type who’s convinced her phone is hiding things from her.
Doubt. What am I doing with my life? Do I have what it takes? What if I’m just fooling myself?
Resignation. The agents probably won’t write me back because my work sucks. It’s fine, maybe I can pick up a hobby. Knitting?
Hating knitting. There are no explosions, chase scenes, spy craft, or snappy dialog in knitting.
Revisions. It’s better to work than obsess, so that’s what I’ll do. I’ll just keep working on it because when these agents say no, I’ll have something even better to pitch someone else.
Doubt again. This is getting really old. Yeah, yeah, insecurities, blah, blah, pessimism. Yawn. Snooze.
Research. Look into the publishing journey of every writer I respect and take comfort from their many collective rejections.
Acceptance. Whatever comes, it’s good. Rejection just means I’m playing with the big kids now. A ‘No’ is basically a gold star in the publishing world! If I collect enough of them, I’ll be able to redeem them for a free mug full of whiskey to drink in the afternoon!
I’ve become The Dude (from The Big Lebowski). It’s all good, man, whatever happens is gonna happen no matter what. Let’s all just abide and take it easy. It’s cool.

I’ll let you know if anything changes, but otherwise you can just assume I’m still the Dude. Which Wes appreciates. Now someone bring me a White Russian and let’s go bowling.