Your “All or Nothing” Mindset is Destroying Your Results
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”
-Lao Tzu
We are creatures of habit.
We have routines that we have developed our entire lives. Certain ones come and go—like flossing or drinking soda—and some stay with us for most of our lives—like brushing our teeth and showering.
Sometimes these habits are developed through dedicated effort and other times we pick them up as we go about our lives. Some of these habits help us become better human beings while others destroy us… slowly or quickly.
We tend to cling to our habits because they are ingrained in our being—we don’t think about them, we just do them because they come naturally. Conscious thought is needed to develop a new habit or to break an old one, and conscious thought is hard. In fact, most people do everything they can to avoid it.
Habits and Time
There was a popular book written in the sixties that asserted, based on the author’s research, that the minimum time required to develop a new habit is 21-days. This got tossed around a bit before eventually becoming “common knowledge” in the form: “It takes 21-days to develop a new habit.”
But that’s inaccurate…
The research showed that, on average, it took anywhere from 21 to 90 days for a person to develop a new habit. Yet the majority of people still believe that it takes only 21 days to develop a habit.
The 21-day to develop a habit “rule” isn’t a bad place to start though. For many of us, if we are able to commit that long, we have a much higher chance of keeping it up long enough to make the habit stick. The problem is people get frustrated when they aren’t “perfect” and they let that be an excuse to give up. But this makes no sense. Part of the reason that habits can take so long to stick is because we all go through waxing and waning periods before a habit finally solidifies into routine. Instead of trying to be perfect, try to be consistent. That means, if you miss a day, week, or even month, you get started ASAP!
Developing new habits and/or breaking old ones takes time.
This will not be a linear, day-to-day process. You might do well for a while and not-so-well for a while. But forge on you must.
If it takes you 6 months to quit smoking, you will save yourself years of health problems in the future. Is 6 months better than never? Don’t assume you’ll get it done in a few weeks or months. And if it takes you 2 years, isn’t that better than smoking for the next 20?
The same goes for all habits good or bad–If you get it done eventually, that is 100% better than never.
How to get habits to stick
Let’s say you join a CrossFit gym. Now that you are paying more than your last gym membership (maybe a lot more), you will probably feel urged to “take advantage” of it by going to classes regularly. And since most of the other members are going 3-4 days a week, you feel even more pressured to go and “fit in.”
This would be loss aversion used to your advantage (and it’s one of the ways that the CrossFit model has been so effective at getting people results).
Anytime you can trick yourself into sticking with it, you should. Your goals, results and sticking to a program or habit is all based on one thing… psychology.
You can use psychology to your advantage or you can shoot yourself in the foot and let negative psychology screw it all up, it just depends on how you approach it. If you can psych yourself into staying motivated long enough until you develop the habit, than you’ve succeeded because your habit will then go on by itself without any more conscious thought. But if you get discouraged because you aren’t perfect with your schedule, than you might give up (statistics say you are likely to give up.)
What I have found—and the point of this piece—is that many people fall into the “all or nothing” mindset trap in which they have trouble sticking with anything because they assume they have to be 100% perfect. And what happens is the end up quitting completely, or a net of 0% towards their goals. (It sounds pretty dumb when you spell it out, doesn’t it?)
Think about it:
Is 50% better than 0%?
Isn’t 10% better than 0% and 1% and 2% and 6%?
Is 40% better than 30%?
70% is better than 60%, right?
You get the point yet?
Your goal should always be: a bit better. Not perfect. Aim to make incremental improvements instead of huge improvements. By taking this approach, you’ll be able to celebrate more often because you will celebrate the incremental wins, no matter how little or often they come. This will help you avoid failure by setting your mark too high and missing–like most do.
Wherever you are now… Start now. Make your goal consistent and improvement. Celebrate each whenever you can. If you fall off, get back on.
If you haven’t trained in a week, month, or year, than think of yourself as “fully rested” and get ready to do some work. Always look at the bright side of your situation. After all, that’s all you can ever do. You can always and forever change your perception of your situation (See Stoicism) to your benefit.
Habit Rules
Change your perception of your situation and you will have yourself primed for the ideal habit-creating or habit-breaking scenario. Combine this primed mindset with a few “habit rules” and you’re on your way to making real progress:
Know that habits take a long time to stick. (Much longer than 21-days in most cases)
Your progress will not never be a straight up line of perfection. Accept that two steps forward, one step back might be part of the process.
Drop the all or nothing mindset. 1% is 100% better than 0%. As is each other % higher than the last.
Change your perception to see your situation the best possible way you can. (Example: I worked hard for a month, then fell off for a month. Well, you are still ONE MONTH AHEAD of where you used to be. Tell your mind, which wants to focus on being one month behind, to STFU.
Developing or breaking habits takes conscious thought. Set reminders, use your calendar, sticky notes, whatever, to stay aware of what you are doing.
The Path of Least Resistance
As a human being, you are made to seek comfort and avoid pain. It’s hardwired into your brain after growing up in this day and age.
You and I both prefer the path of least resistance for better or worse and our subconscious will always try to steer us in that direction.
This shows up in all aspects of our lives, not just physical pain or discomfort. We prefer to maintain our comfortable lives because this best protects us from embarrassment or judgement. Our Ego prefers it.
Let me tell you about the Ego: he’s a shriveled old man that thinks he’s done it all in life. He thinks life is just fine the way it is. He thinks things will just happen if he sits back and waits long enough.
That little bastard is wrong and you need to grab him by the neck and show him who’s boss.
Your ego is risk-averse and prefers anything that is safe and easy. Basically, he keeps you the way you are, and when you get older, he’s the reason your body and mind break down through atrophy. He’s safe and comfortable to the point of regression.
When you are told that you should get “outside of your comfort zone,” it means you should break free from Ego’s grip. It’s the only way you can grow.
I believe that Humans are meant to forever grow, like a redwood tree. Even when your body starts to atrophy, you can continually be growing your mind (and aging of your body, the way everyone else does, is based on your choices–which are largely dictated by whatever society deems appropriate–and is not predetermined for you the same way it is for everyone else).
Either way, you will not grow your mind and body if you sit back and let the shriveled old man named “Ego” dictate your life. When Ego takes control, you become a shriveled old man or woman. If you let go of Ego by loosening the reins of control he has over you, you will unlock a world of possibility in your life and habits. The way to avoid atrophy and take control over your growth is to constantly push yourself outside of your comfort zone.
It’s like Arnold said, “Change comes past the burn.”
By detaching yourself from Ego, you’ll be able to…
Take risks and experience the rewards
Become better physically and mentally
Laugh heartier, make people love you more, polarize and attract those that think like you
Live a better life in every possible way
Be an individual and not accept the status quo
Be a leader
Become the best version of yourself possible (self-actualized)
If there was ever a guide to life it would be this…
Take risks. Fall. Get up. Succeed sometimes. Learn always. Grow forever. Be self-aware. Die fulfilled and ready.
Living an awesome life requires the same mindset as creating and breaking habits. They are closely correlated and you can work on both at the same time. But both are only possible by doing what isn’t comfortable, by taking risks.
Action: Let go of the Ego that keeps you safe and the same. Become aware and think consciously about what you are doing. Use this awareness to push yourself to growth by doing whats uncomfortable.
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