The Choice
How dare he speak to me like that
“I’ll tell your mum, you’re lying there on your arse while that thing grows inside you. Get rid of it”.
I can’t believe it. He was walking along in the middle of London shouting into his mobile. Anyone within half a mile could have heard him. I told him
“Shut the fuck up, people will hear” but he just said that no one knows him in that part of London. That’s probably true, the chances of anyone who knows either him or me overhearing him is very unlikely, but that isn’t the point, he has no right to shout about my business all over London.
The implant is highly effective, only 1 in every thousand women get pregnant. I can feel it now, like a little match stick high up under the skin of my right arm. It releases some chemical, I can’t remember the name, which prevents pregnancy. I’m a real scatter brain always forgetting things. I’m the kind of girl who goes shopping for groceries and comes back with a handbag and makeup minus anything to eat or drink. That’s why I went for the implant, I would have forgotten to take the pill so the implant was the logical solution. It lasts upto 3 years and once inserted you don’t need to worry about getting pregnant . Well you don’t unless you are the unlucky 1 in 1000 where the bloody thing fails to work.
Funny isn’t it (not funny ha, ha but funny peculiar) that when a guy sleeps around he’s a stud, one of the lads but when a girl does it she’s a slag who can’t keep her legs shut, and we live in the 21st century! Its surprising just how many people still seem to believe that women don’t like sex and if we do then there is something wrong with us. Well I love sex, I’m 18-years-old, all my hormones conspire to make me horney. Yeah I know I should use a condom to protect myself from disease and as an extra precaution against getting pregnant. But after a night out clubbing and some gorgeous bloke wanting me and me feeling horney as fuck, well these things happen which is why, as I say I have that useless match stick stuck in my arm.
At first I thought it was the implant making me late with my period (it can be one of the side effects apparently). Anyway when I was 10 days late I got worried and bought one of those pregnancy test kits from Boots the Chemist. I nearly dropped my sample when it came back positive. My doctor confirmed the result so here I am well and truly up the duff, stuffed like a prime Christmas turkey.
I don’t want to give up college. I’m in the middle of my a-levels and my teachers predict good grades. Christ I want to be reading geography at uni not changing dirty nappies.
That hurt. He (or she) has a strong kick. Its part of me, how can I have it ripped out and thrown away like a piece of rubbish? It isn’t alive, that is what my brother says, well not alive in the sense that it has all it’s faculties. It’s just, basically a bundle of nerve endings according to him.
Sometimes, when I close my eyes I see a happy smiling little girl or boy sitting on a swing. “mummy, mummy push me higher, higher, I want to touch the clouds” he calls. Then I want to keep the baby, I can’t throw it away.
God I don’t know what I want. I always wanted kids but when I was ready, perhaps in my late 20’s or early 30’s, certainly not at 18. I can’t throw away the chance to go on to uni, but there are childcare facilities at universities now, I could study and still have the baby. But that would be such hard work, I’d have no social life. But it’s a life, how can I put my own pleasure before the baby growing inside me. No it isn’t, it’s a bundle of cells, get rid of it, don’t wreck your future over a freak accident, a 1 in 1000 freak accident when an implant failed to work.
My stomach hurts. Maybe it’s that Indian I ate yesterday. Its as though someone was twisting a knife in my guts. Will it hurt when I have the baby I wonder? You can’t have it Chelsea, what kind of life will you have and what kind of existence can you provide for a child? you can’t even look after yourself sometimes. Jesus I’ll need to go to the toilet in a minute but its so comfortable here under the sheets, I’ll get up in a moment.
I’ve always believed in a woman’s right to choose, no one has the right to tell me what I should do with my own body. Yeah no one has that right but one part of Chelsea is telling me to keep the child while the other is saying to terminate the pregnancy ASAP. I feel sick, I can’t move otherwise I’ll throw up. Lie still Chelsea, relax and you will feel better in a minute.
I don’t know who the father is. It wasn’t his fault. He had the decency to ask whether I was on birth control, I said that I was and we had sex. I guess I could find out his name if I really wanted to. He’s a friend of Linda’s brother I think. Yes I could ask Linda to ask her brother to get in touch with his mate. But then Linda, her brother and the whole group would know. I’m not even sure if I want to keep it so whats the point in telling Linda. I didn’t tell my brother. He wouldn’t have found out accept for the fact that I left the bathroom door ajar, he came in and saw the test results. Stupid scatty Chelsea.
Must go to the loo. Make a dash for it Chelsea. Oh that hurts, oh god so much blood. Oh know I think I’ve lost it, poor, poor little thing, so much blood. I’m so sleepy, just want to put my head against the sink and sleep.
“Someone help please” I call weakly.
