Attraction

I have a brand new favorite TV show, Brain Games on the National Geographic Channel. It’s been on for a few seasons, but I just discovered it this week. If you are interested in the way the brain works, you’ll love this interactive show where you get to be a part of the experiments and learn how the brain works.

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I watched the episode called “Law of Attraction” yesterday. It was interesting to learn that we are attracted to one another not because we are looking specifically at eyes or lips or some unique features. Instead, according to scientists, it’s not about the individual features, but the ratio of those features compared to one another. Apparently the brain is looking for what’s called the Golden Ratio when looking for attraction in a partner because that signals a healthy mate. As well as the Golden Ratio we also look for symmetry within the face, which indicates good genes. All of this takes place in the part of the brain called the amygdala.

The thing is, this is all based on first impressions. You see someone walking down the street or meet them for the first time at a party, this is what determines if you are attracted to them or not. 

What I wanted to know about is how attraction builds after knowing someone. When I was in high school, there was a young lady who wanted to go out on a date with me. I didn’t really know her, but I didn’t find her very attractive. Maybe her face wasn’t symmetrical or she didn’t meet the Golden Ratio. She wasn’t unattractive by any means, but I really wasn’t drawn to her. Turns out, my good buddy started dating her best friend and they wanted us all to go out on a double date. So, I went for my buddy’s sake, and started to get to know this young lady.

She was smart, and funny and charming and by the end of the night, she was also very attractive. We actually dated for a few months after that first date. 

Then, in college there was a beautiful, tall, blonde coed that was living on my dorm floor. She was so gorgeous I was intimidated to even talk to her. As I got to know her throughout the year, I learned she was a smoker. She swore a lot. She was a heavy drinker. She bad-mouthed other people. None of these traits appealed to me. And, here’s the weird thing, she was no longer attractive to me. It wasn’t that I just didn’t like her. Her face, the same face I was intimidated by, no longer looked attractive.

What that tells me is that we are drawn to one another by symmetry and the Golden Ratio, but we stay with one another based on who we are, our morals, traits and personalities. So, yes, we want to attract a partner with our looks, but no matter how we look, we won’t hold them if we can’t connect. And, sure, you may say, “If I don’t look good, how will I ever have the chance to hold someone?” Put your best face forward, but don’t forget friends and double dates.