Photosplatter: The Dublin Zoo Excursion

We drove down to Dublin for our third wedding anniversary, which included a trip to Dublin Zoo with the increasingly loud heir. There were animals and stuff. It was pretty killer.

Behold the photos downloaded from my Dropbox, and the rich, compelling narrative that they tell.

This is Nathan, my brother-in-law. Here we are enjoying some court-sanctioned family time. He likes me more than his expression in this photo will lead you to believe.

Jesus, look at this weird little fucker. He’s eating his own hand. That’s hardcore.

Here’s a type of cat that was probably invented to leech off the popularity of the 80s cartoon ‘ThunderCats’.
The ThunderCats were aliens from the planet Thundera, and they fought lizards and shit like that. Their friends were a tribe of small robot bears, and a ghost.

This picture is super-deep on a lot of levels (fatherhood, evolution, the relative combat potential of fistfighting monkeys) and I probably deserve an award for taking it.
Actually, I think Katie took it, but motherhood isn’t as deep as fatherhood. The song ‘Cats in the Cradle’ makes that abundantly clear.

This is a picture of Rihanna. I don’t know why this is here.

I spent most of the day in my Battle Form, where a small, ginger version of me attaches itself to my back  for nine hours and points at things it wants.

Here are some Pink Landbirds, which are very boring. None of them can talk, like people, parrots, or that monkey who was friends with James Franco.

The pathetic abomination that arises from a badger and a squirrel being very much in love. Just one of Dublin Zoo’s attempts to play God, and we should probably do a Kickstarter to stop them.

Here’s John, who plays the Imperial Fist Tactical Marine in my Deathwatch group. Also pictured are one of his nieces, my son and heir, and a fake zebra. Dublin Zoo is some cheap-ass shit, let me tell you. Maybe real zebras cost too much? I don’t know. The international shipping costs of African animals isn’t my area of expertise, to be honest. I’m sorry if I’ve led you to believe otherwise.

Startled by the presence of the camera, Shakes and I roared at the handheld machine as it sought to steal parts of our souls. He’d lost his sunglasses by this point, and was going slowly blind in the acidic light of the rare Irish sun. I still had mine, though. I was fine. Thanks for asking.

Rihanna again. She seems to be at the Grammys.