Urgent Message to the Scientific Community or Plucking Up Courage

I love chickens; I let my chickens free range. I like to watch them pecking and scratching, chasing after grasshoppers, taking dust baths, and eating the petunias. Everybody loves chickens—they are quite popular with raccoons, coyotes, dogs, snakes, and children with BB guns. This is why it is safer not to name chickens. They are here today and gone tomorrow.

Pondering the ephemeral nature of these lovely birds has given me an idea for the scientific community, as I am sure they love chickens, too. We need to develop a new breed—The Warrior Chicken. The Warrior Chicken will have fangs. The Warrior Chicken will have six-inch poisonous spurs. The Warrior Chicken will be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. The Warrior Chicken will be able to run at 35 miles per hour, soar into the air and top off at 30,000 feet. The Warrior Chicken will eat raccoons for lunch. Coyotes will tremble before it. Snakes will flee, and BB-gun children will hide under their beds.

The time for this idea has come. Scientists, get to work; the world is waiting for The Warrior Chicken!