Bill The Vampire (The Tome of Bill #1) by Rick Gualtieri
Bill The Vampire (The Tome of Bill #1) by Rick Gualtieri
Synopsis:
There are reasons we fear the night. He isn’t one of them.
Meet Bill Ryder: programmer, gamer geek, and hopeless dweeb when it comes to women. All he ever asked for out of life was to collect his paycheck, hang out with his buds, and eventually (someday) ask out the girl of his dreams.
However, then Bill met Sally. She was mysterious, aggressive, and best of all…smoking hot. Bill never stood a chance. Before he knew what was happening Sally had lead him to his death, and that was only the beginning of his troubles.
Now Bill awakes to find himself an undead predator of the night. The only problem is he’s still at the bottom of the food chain.
He’s in way over his head, surrounded by creatures more dangerous, better looking, and a whole lot cooler than he is. Worst of all is the dreaded Night Razor, a master vampire who just can’t stand him. He gives Bill a 90-day deadline to either prove himself or meet a more permanent kind of death, and the deck is definitely stacked against him.
But Bill isn’t exactly average. A vampire like him hasn’t been seen in over five centuries. He’s got a few tricks up his sleeve, unlikely allies to help him out, and an attitude problem that makes him just too damn obnoxious to quit. He may just pull it off… if he doesn’t get his teeth kicked in first.
Review:
Bill The Vampire is the first in Author Rick Gualtieri’s Supernatural Comedy series The Tome of Bill, setting the stage for newly turned nerd vampire Bill.
Before I begin this review, I have to say this… THIS WAS THE GREATEST VAMPIRE NOVEL I HAVE EVER READ! With the influx of vampire stories lurking around, this was the perfect counter. If this doesn’t get turned into a movie I will give up on Hollywood forever.
Bill Ryder is a video game programmer, spending his days playing games (video, board, and role-playing) and trying to think of ways to get laid. He lives with his two friends Ed and Tom, who are both as equally nerdy and excited at the prospect of having a live vampire as a friend. Their interactions were absolutely perfect, reminding me greatly of me and my own friends. I related to those scenes very well, and I laughed out loud more than once while reading.
After being turned as a part of a game a coven of vampires in SoHo were playing, Bill discovers that he’s a legendary type of vampire that can resist being compelled by the older vampires. He uses this to his advantage, scaring the other, meatier members of his coven to ensure his own safety as a fish in a tank of sharks.
His arsenal includes his roommates, a sexy vampire vixen who loathes him, and the ultimate defense against just about anything: a smartass mouth.
In honesty, I was a little apprehensive while going into this novel. I had read a few vampire satires in the past and, although they could elicit a few laughs here and there, they just couldn’t do it for me. But Bill The Vampire hits the mark with precision. I was captured almost instantly after starting, and only put it down for extreme situations – during which I would itch to get back to reading. By the time I was done reading I thought I’d have to massage my facial muscles out of their near-permanent smile.
Bill The Vampire was a fantastic read! I can’t say it enough. I plan to snatch the next book IMMEDIATELY.
Five out of Five stars!
