Using Writing to Aid Depression

I’ve been writing for a very long time– pretty much as soon as I was capable of stringing a sentence together. I would write when I was happy, and excitable, but I’d also write when I suffered from depression.

I’ve mentioned this to many people who already enjoy writing, but writing when depressed is an incredible therapeutic tool. In my case, my characters end up being projections of deep-seated feelings of resentment. It’s easy to use characters to channel your sadness and rage onto, much easier than it is real people (not that we’d ever want to do that to real people!). Fiction has its way of telling you how you feel without you even knowing it.

By default, many of my characters suffer from depression, whether it be derived from a tragic past, or they simply cannot function correctly in the world, usually due to social awkwardness. It’s identifiable to me. What’s important is how that character reacts and communicates with your other ones. I sometimes have other characters with sunny, upbeat personalities to contrast the weary hearts of my depressed ones. They’re usually the shoulder to lean and cry on, a true friend that is there to comfort the one in need of guidance. It can leave a person suffering from depression feeling a bit more hopeful; that times don’t always have to be dark.

The circumstances you write your characters in can also be very telling of your mood and state of mind. In my case, I’ve subconsciously recreated real life occurrences in my fiction writing to have more of a sense of control over them, and to discover how differently things might have turned out if the opposite had happened. Your characters’ awareness can be quite stunning! They have a way of comforting you when you need someone to talk to (when you don’t necessarily want to talk to anyone real) by revealing that it’s okay to feel a certain way about something. It can be relieving when you see “everything turns out okay” for the characters you invest time in that also suffer too much and too long. Assuming you want everything to turn out okay for them. Sometimes it’s better the other way around ;)

Many times in my writing, I create an instance where one character hurts another in some way, whether it be emotionally or physically. That moment of reconciliation is imperative to improving my mood. Redemption for doing wrong is a powerful message, and can melt away feelings of guilt you may possess. When one of your characters forgives another, it’s a lot like forgiving yourself. At times, my characters truly surprise me with how they react to certain situations. One that seemed humble and forgiving could suddenly snap at something small and unimportant, something that triggers inner frustration. It’s then up to my other characters to calm them down, or give them a big dose of reality. Again, when that moment comes, it’s like taking a painkiller. That hot-headed teenager that blew up and yelled at someone he loved and held dear will probably hate himself for doing it, and will seek forgiveness. He will try all he can to make things right again, and when he does, despite of how he manages to, it feels good to see your other characters take him in once more. They don’t only forgive him, but you.

Unfortunately, this obviously means that there are times when I write tragedy. Sometimes, I don’t want to be happy. I don’t want everything to work out. Sometimes, I look at a situation, however fictional, and say to myself “that doesn’t happen in the real world.” This is much less “depression” and more “fury”. This is when I end up writing characters with horrible personalities, vicious, cruel ones that hurt my other creations, despite how much I love and cherish them, and they do so in the worst ways possible. I can admit that in times of anger and frustration, it’s exciting and again, therapeutic, to take rage out on someone who isn’t real. All the same, though, my characters are still a part of me. I don’t like seeing them hurt, especially when I’ve grown very fond and attached to them, as I would real people. That’s usually when I write in someone who is a guardian or protector to avenge the abused. Just as it had been therapeutic to hurt someone who doesn’t deserve it, it feels ten times better to hurt someone who does. Things come full circle. That innocent person who was being taken advantage of doesn’t have to look at the world like everyone in it is fucked up. Someone cares about him. Someone loves him. Someone would die to protect him.

I’ve created, essentially, my own universe where all of my characters co-exist. Some of them are happy. Some of them are miserable. Some of them pretend to be happy while they remain miserable. Whoever they are, and whatever they become, they’re in a world all their own. When I’m feeling my worst, I think of them, whether they’re sharing my depression or not, and either way, it makes me feel better. Whether I’m picturing two of them in a happy, harmonious relationship, sharing romantic moments with one another, or they can’t stand each other and they’re trying to come up with a resolution, they all have the same effect on me when I’m depressed. Being able to look at them as more than characters, but as family, as close friends, writing them becomes much more important.

I can’t imagine what I’d be like without all of them.