Perfectionism

Perfectionism. You know, the answer to “What is your greatest flaw” when doing an interview before you think of something more constructive and less cliched to say?

Except, it can be the answer that holds you back the most. What is my greatest weakness when writing? Perfectionism.

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The habit was likely one I formed in school. I was a good student–I did what was asked, aimed for high marks. It took me until university to ask why. I followed the path that made societal sense. When I finally tracked myself down and asked what high marks meant to me…and I could think of nothing.

My life is overrun with the idea that if I am not perfect in what I do, no one will care. Then, I get haunted by the fear that even if it is perfect, no one will care. It’s a cyclical thing that really gets me down. Perfectionism can kill every ounce of motivation you ever thought you might possess.

One of the things that stops me every time I think about self-publishing fiction is that it won’t be good. I’m not a hideous writer–I’m not. But I can’t call myself a decent writer because I am overwhelmingly hesitant about putting my work out there.

Lots of tough wrestling on topics that drown me. Perhaps I have too much time on my hands and I just need to set deadlines and make sure all my work goes through editors. Seems like a good plan. But there is always that lingering doubt…

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