Growing old isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative...
Growing old isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative...
The origins of that quote are clouded, although a version of it is often attributed to the actor Maurice Chevalier, so popular in the 1950s. Living to an advanced age is like winning a bizarre lottery. Not only is a lot left to chance, but the prize is sometimes a dubious one. As Bette Davis pointed out on a number of occasions, “Old age isn’t for sissies!” Of course, with age comes wisdom, right? Yeah, well I’m still waiting for that to kick in, although I have learned a few things. Hey, and if you really take a good look around at who’s running things—it’s old folks. And some of them are really old. By that I mean older than me.
“Welcome to the ‘golden years’,” my father-in-law was fond of saying as some new trouble bedeviled him. The guy who lived to be 96 was quite a character, took care of himself and drove a car until a few months before he died. The man was one of those fortunate elders who kept his wits about him until the end. Mind you, he did absolutely none of the things they tell you to do to extend your life. A chronic worrier, given to low-level rants, he did not display the ‘robust optimism’ supposedly associated with longevity.
He did not have what you would normally think of as hobbies. We bought him books and magazine subscriptions, but never saw him reading. He did love watching sports on TV and was always up on the latest celebrity misbehavior, endlessly bemused by Charlie Sheen or Lindsey Lohan’s antics. The man smoked until he was in his 70s, then quit lighting, but still chewed the end of cigars. He never exercised, finding it uncomfortable to even walk once he got into his eighties. Never one to worry about nutrition, he preferred bottles of Yoohoo to Ensure, and ate at McDonalds and the Waffle House. After getting his driver’s license renewed at age 94, he continued to drive the short distance each day to those restaurants where they knew him well. He was “pop-pop” to those who greeted him each day, just as he was to the members of his family.
A fiercely independent man, he was stubborn and determined to do it himself even when he should have accepted more service and supports. If I had to take a stab at what accounted for his longevity I say there are several factors. Good genes, number one! His father lived into his 90s, as did a younger brother. An older sister has survived him and is closing in on the 100-year mark. I think there also may be something to say for that determination and pride he took in caring for himself and his wife who lived into her 80s. Beneath his curmudgeonly cynicism there beat a heart of gold and a wry sense of humor.
Okay so why am I bringing this up? Well I just finished reading Christoph Fischer’s book Time to Let Go and I’m thinking about the challenge of aging. Time to Let Go is a fictionalized account of a family dealing with Alzheimer’s. The disorder gets a good deal of attention nowadays even though too little is yet known about it. Alzheimer’s poses a host of challenges, large and small, not only for those who suffer with the disease, but for friends and family who must standby, and step in, as a loved one fades away. Christoph Fischer’s book personalizes all of that, featuring a creditable account of what it’s like for families dealing with the disease. You get a sense for the toll it takes to care for a loved one with Alzheimer’s. ‘Compassion fatigue’ is a term used in the research and practice arenas where I spent some part of my life studying caregivers and caregiving. It aims to convey how vitiating it can be to care for another person, even when that care is undertaken willingly.
As Fischer’s story also reveals, the aging of family members, in particular when one of them is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, creates opportunity as well as challenge. The title, “Time to Let Go,” aptly captures the theme of loss and acceptance that gets played out in the book. It might just as well have been titled “Time to Take Hold” or “Carpe Diem,” e.g. “seize the day”. An equally important theme in the book has to do with learning to live more fully in the present. That also means making the most of what the present offers, even with all its limitations.
I’m not just talking about the elder couple, Walter and Biddy, at the center of the story, but their children as well. In particular, their daughter, Hanna, caught up in her own midlife crisis. The challenges she faces include a tragic event at work, loneliness and social isolation, unresolved conflicts with her aging parents, as well as her mother’s affliction with Alzheimer’s. All the disruption creates a momentary ‘unfreezing’ of her life. Not everyone can do it, but for some tragedy becomes transformative. Can Hanna heed the call to reflect and, perhaps, reorient her life? You’ll have to read Time to Let Go to find out!
It’s a recommended read if you’re in midlife or late life, pondering your own mortality or confronting the aging of those around you. Hey 60 is the new 40 so maybe those of us who have been issued our AARP cards should shake up things. Let’s make some headway on our ‘bucket list,’ go buy a little yellow sports car, or finally figure out who we want to be when we grow up. There’s a compelling lesson to be taken from this story: take on the challenges life throws at you and find transcendence in them, at any age.
Stop by and visit me at Jessica Huntington Desert Cities Mystery by Anna Celeste Burke
The origins of that quote are clouded, although a version of it is often attributed to the actor Maurice Chevalier, so popular in the 1950s. Living to an advanced age is like winning a bizarre lottery. Not only is a lot left to chance, but the prize is sometimes a dubious one. As Bette Davis pointed out on a number of occasions, “Old age isn’t for sissies!” Of course, with age comes wisdom, right? Yeah, well I’m still waiting for that to kick in, although I have learned a few things. Hey, and if you really take a good look around at who’s running things—it’s old folks. And some of them are really old. By that I mean older than me.
“Welcome to the ‘golden years’,” my father-in-law was fond of saying as some new trouble bedeviled him. The guy who lived to be 96 was quite a character, took care of himself and drove a car until a few months before he died. The man was one of those fortunate elders who kept his wits about him until the end. Mind you, he did absolutely none of the things they tell you to do to extend your life. A chronic worrier, given to low-level rants, he did not display the ‘robust optimism’ supposedly associated with longevity.
He did not have what you would normally think of as hobbies. We bought him books and magazine subscriptions, but never saw him reading. He did love watching sports on TV and was always up on the latest celebrity misbehavior, endlessly bemused by Charlie Sheen or Lindsey Lohan’s antics. The man smoked until he was in his 70s, then quit lighting, but still chewed the end of cigars. He never exercised, finding it uncomfortable to even walk once he got into his eighties. Never one to worry about nutrition, he preferred bottles of Yoohoo to Ensure, and ate at McDonalds and the Waffle House. After getting his driver’s license renewed at age 94, he continued to drive the short distance each day to those restaurants where they knew him well. He was “pop-pop” to those who greeted him each day, just as he was to the members of his family.
A fiercely independent man, he was stubborn and determined to do it himself even when he should have accepted more service and supports. If I had to take a stab at what accounted for his longevity I say there are several factors. Good genes, number one! His father lived into his 90s, as did a younger brother. An older sister has survived him and is closing in on the 100-year mark. I think there also may be something to say for that determination and pride he took in caring for himself and his wife who lived into her 80s. Beneath his curmudgeonly cynicism there beat a heart of gold and a wry sense of humor.
Okay so why am I bringing this up? Well I just finished reading Christoph Fischer’s book Time to Let Go and I’m thinking about the challenge of aging. Time to Let Go is a fictionalized account of a family dealing with Alzheimer’s. The disorder gets a good deal of attention nowadays even though too little is yet known about it. Alzheimer’s poses a host of challenges, large and small, not only for those who suffer with the disease, but for friends and family who must standby, and step in, as a loved one fades away. Christoph Fischer’s book personalizes all of that, featuring a creditable account of what it’s like for families dealing with the disease. You get a sense for the toll it takes to care for a loved one with Alzheimer’s. ‘Compassion fatigue’ is a term used in the research and practice arenas where I spent some part of my life studying caregivers and caregiving. It aims to convey how vitiating it can be to care for another person, even when that care is undertaken willingly.
As Fischer’s story also reveals, the aging of family members, in particular when one of them is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, creates opportunity as well as challenge. The title, “Time to Let Go,” aptly captures the theme of loss and acceptance that gets played out in the book. It might just as well have been titled “Time to Take Hold” or “Carpe Diem,” e.g. “seize the day”. An equally important theme in the book has to do with learning to live more fully in the present. That also means making the most of what the present offers, even with all its limitations.
I’m not just talking about the elder couple, Walter and Biddy, at the center of the story, but their children as well. In particular, their daughter, Hanna, caught up in her own midlife crisis. The challenges she faces include a tragic event at work, loneliness and social isolation, unresolved conflicts with her aging parents, as well as her mother’s affliction with Alzheimer’s. All the disruption creates a momentary ‘unfreezing’ of her life. Not everyone can do it, but for some tragedy becomes transformative. Can Hanna heed the call to reflect and, perhaps, reorient her life? You’ll have to read Time to Let Go to find out!
It’s a recommended read if you’re in midlife or late life, pondering your own mortality or confronting the aging of those around you. Hey 60 is the new 40 so maybe those of us who have been issued our AARP cards should shake up things. Let’s make some headway on our ‘bucket list,’ go buy a little yellow sports car, or finally figure out who we want to be when we grow up. There’s a compelling lesson to be taken from this story: take on the challenges life throws at you and find transcendence in them, at any age.
Stop by and visit me at Jessica Huntington Desert Cities Mystery by Anna Celeste Burke
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