Home, Home on the Lake where the Ducks and Turtles Play

So I wasn’t actually kidnapped by a tribe of Turtle People, but Frank and I have been on an equally exciting and sometimes harrowing adventure. As many of you know, in 2012 I went even more insane than my usual brand of crazy and quit my groovy job at skirt! Magazine, sold most of my shit, and moved onto a pair of houseboats called “Lakematized” and “The Muse.” I fully intended to write a book about the experience called Bourbonista on a Boat: From Glamour Girl to Off-the-Grid. However, a couple of glitches occurred. I envisioned a kind of Eat, Pray, Love journey of self discovery and enlightenment. My experience ended up being more of the Drink, Curse, and Fuck variety, which isn’t nearly as marketable…especially when I’d have to leave most of the best stories out since they involved other residents of the marina. If I told it like it was I’d be chased off this dock with torches in a scene reminiscent of the one with outraged villagers pursuing the monster in Frankenstein. But even though I didn’t get a book out of it, I got something else—a new way of life. Once you go lake, everything else feels fake. So, last year Frank and I bought a piece of waterfront property with the intention of building a floating house. Then about a month ago, a friend sent us a link to a place that was everything we wanted. So, I single-mindedly went about liquidating what we could and getting a loan for the rest. We made an offer, they accepted, and we pontooned down to Gwinn Island to haul our home back. It took six and half hours of playing Huck Finn and drifting down the lake, but we made it here on Tuesday. I spent the rest of last week clearing out the boats, which are now up for sale…come on you know you want…no you NEED a houseboat. The bar is fully stocked. Frank has a Tupperware of soup beans in the freezer. A cat has already coughed up a hairball. The dogs have turned over the trash. Baby Duck and Turtle Turtle have found their way here for breakfast. Frank has made a fool of himself doing the drunken robot (yes, I’m referring to the eighties dance). I’ve made my famous deviled eggs. We’ve made love. And, I have written this blog from my brand new office, which means we are officially moved in to Lakematized II. Let the shenanigans begin!

Moving...Herrington Lake style. Two pontoons pushed, while I sipped a cocktail and watched for logs and such.