Let’s Talk About (Realistic) Smut

I feel like there’s a disconnect in (M/M especially, though this is pretty pervasive) erotica/erotic romance where there’s a camp of people who seem to think realism is the goal for sex scenes. Those people are wrong, and have weird ideas about how fiction works.

Actual sex is messy, uncomfortable and extremely boring to write about. “And then they sort of rocked awkwardly for two or three minutes until one of them got a cramp in their leg and demanded the other hurried up,” does not make for good storytelling. It definitely doesn’t make for good porn.

The point is that the way you tell a sex scene should add to the story. Not add tally marks to the ‘has this author actually engaged in this sex act?’ column. Because firstly, I don’t actually want to know that (and I’m pretty sure you don’t either) and secondly, it assumes the reader has, which is one helluva personal assumption if I say so myself.

I feel like this is connected to the general idea that erotica isn’t ~mature~ (I realise how weird that sounds but think about it for a second), so in order to age it up, as it were, we should be adding details like friggin’ preparatory enemas (which are actually not good for you but w/e) and the possibility of your partner’s stubble making you bleed when these things aren’t actually called for (I am, for the record, happy for people to write about those things in appropriate contexts). This is bullshit.

I mean, the people reading erotica are not reading it for a sex manual. (If anyone is actually doing that, can I suggest you go get a real sex manual?). There are probably a few boring pedants who want to talk about rug burn and wet spots and how ridiculous human anatomy and biology is regardless of whether it’s relevant information or not. I, for one, will take pleasure in upsetting them.

My stance on this is basically that realism is wholly unnecessary at best and the sign of someone who isn’t exactly sure what the purpose of a sex scene is at worst.

But if you think I’m wrong, have at me in the comments (also if you agree you’re welcome to do that, I could use the support and reassurance, I am a writer after all and we are delicate fragile creatures).