Finding Freedom in the Regular Routine

In 1776 the Second Continental Congress, led by celebrity colonists like Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin and John Adams, adopted the Declaration of Independence.

That declaration set the course for democracy and, after that little “conflict” called the Revolutionary War, led us to many of the freedoms we still fight about today.

So today, in light of the upcoming Independence Day celebration and my own burgeoning to-do list, I wonder how a group of men without smart phones,  light bulbs and drive-up windows can set the course of freedom for an entire nation when I can’t even find time for a shower?

Sometimes, it seems I am so tied to my routine and daily schedule that I no longer have the freedom to choose how to spend my time. This is of course untrue, but stifling just the same.

Happiness and Personal Freedom

Our happiness is dependent, in part, on how much personal freedom we have, says Richard Ryan, PhD at the University of Rochester. When we have the autonomy to decide what we’ll do and when we’ll do it, we feel more confident, capable and in-charge, and we also have a greater sense of well-being.  It isn’t bad for our relationships either, because often when we feel like we have more free time, we tend to spend it with the people we love.

Yet, most of us give away these good feelings of freedom by adhering to an unyielding, and often self-imposed schedule. We say “yes” to too much and get sucked in by the daily demands. We forget that we are the ones in charge of setting the schedule. Even with a 9 to 5 there are always pockets, like lunch breaks, evening hours, and weekends where we can decide how to spend our time.

So it’s time to declare your own independence from the draining routine. Decide to spend time doing the things you love, keeping the should-do’s and ought-to’s to a minimum,  and  not to filling in every-waking hour with some scheduled event.

Here’s how to do it:

1. Do what you must, then do what you love, then do nothing more. So many days we do the essentials — and everything else. You don’t really need make dinner, do the dishes, and create handcrafted wrapping paper for the 23 birthday parties your child is invited to this summer – unless it gives you great pleasure. If you love making wrapping paper, then do it. When we spend time on the things we enjoy, it fills us up and gives us a sense of freedom. Otherwise, buy the gift bag and eat on paper plates once in awhile so you have an hour to spend on a family hike, or playing the ukulele, or doing nothing at all. It’s a great practice to leave the empty space empty and see what emerges.

2. Leave one weekend a month unscheduled. This means saying “no” sometimes. It means declaring a day as sacred, open time. Don’t make plans. Don’t make any decisions until you wake up that morning and see what you feel like and what the day holds and then do what feels good to you Do, however, spend time talking about your unscheduled Saturday as it approaches. By anticipating the free day you will heighten the happy feelings. Be patient with yourself, it may be hard not to fill the day up with barbecues and cupboard cleaning. But, you’ll get in the habit of it. And it feels freeing.

3. Say “yes” to the things that align with your values, “no” to the others. It’s hard doing to-do list triage on the daily schedule. Often, though, we end up doing things that don’t even align with the things we care about most. This is when our happiness takes a hit. If family is one of your highest values, but you spend most of your days cleaning house or at work then you’ll feel drained, and possibly depressed, at the end of the day. If health is a high value, but you eat take-out and sit at a desk most days instead of working out, your life satisfaction is bound to drop. Take a close look at how you are spending your days and identify those activities that match your personal values and those that don’t. Then stay as close as you can to what matters.

If your job right now does not fit your values, then build in an activity and passion that does – go for that walk on your lunch break, or meditate for 10 minutes, to read that book you are captivated by. Deliberately choose to spend your time on the things that you value and you’ll feel more autonomous.

4. Create some unscheduled time every day. This is a biggie and so hard to do when you are working and parenting, but, if you make it happen, you’ll feel better and get more done in the long run. When I get my daughter to bed, I know I get an hour to myself. I rarely plan that time. Sometimes I’ll go to bed early, or finish a work project or watch a basketball game or read. But, knowing I have a bit of time that I don’t have to coordinate or schedule helps me feel better during the rest of the day. It also quells the feeling of overwhelm. If you can’t carve out time in your day, schedule it. Plan a date night – alone. Get it on the calendar so the kids are accounted for and all the must-dos are met, but then wait until the time arrives before deciding what to do. Then do what  the things that align with your values and desires.

You are free. You do get to decide how to spend your time and while there are many meaningful things that we must do — family responsibilities and career demands–  how we spend the moments in between will determine how much joy and well-being we experience.