It's Yom Kippur. I'm sorry for everything I ever did to anyone, anywhere.

[image error]Here are the things I need to repent for this year:

1. Telling everyone I know I'd gone vegetarian after reading Jonathan Safran Foer's Eating Animals, then going to a BBQ and rejecting the sad soy patty I was given in favor of a big, juicy burger. (Haven't eaten veggie since.)

2. Billing myself as a "huge reader" on OK Cupid, even though the last book I read was Andrew Young's The Politician. And before that, Us Weekly.

3. Blowing off meditation every morning.

4. Consistently reading the...