how to “look like an author”
photo: Valerie Caesar
On Monday I woke up and accepted the fact that I was not going to lose weight before my appointment with a professional photographer the next day. I’d been thinking about this moment for weeks—in order to “look like an author,” I knew I had to have the right outfit. I generally have a school marm sense of style (when I’m not wearing a big t-shirt and stretchy pants at home) but to be a “funky artist” I knew I needed to put more effort into styling my hair and I felt I ought to wear makeup and so I bought an almost red lip pencil (for $2.99!) because I can’t bring myself to wear lipstick. Tuesday was a muggy day so I thought about bringing my powder to the botanic garden to avoid unsightly T-zone shine, and I took a blazer because—despite the heat—I thought I might need to conceal my flabby arms. But in the end I finally surrendered and stopped trying to hide who I am. I don’t generally wear makeup; I don’t actually know how to put it on and I don’t really want to learn. I’m about ten pounds overweight and have been for a few years now. I’m not stylish and just happened to find a not-too-frilly dress at H&M while running errands the day before the shoot. Valerie was such a pro—she started taking photos right away to gauge the light and get the right lens. And when I started freaking out about my hair (which was crazily uneven because I cut it myself) she assured me that I looked fine. By the time we had walked around the botanic garden, stopping to take shots in various places, I’d forgotten about all my flaws. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say I’d stopped obsessing over them. Yesterday Valerie sent me 70 beautiful photos and of those I narrowed it down to about a dozen that I feel best represent who I am. I asked friends to weigh in on Facebook and my new Bio photo got the most votes. It’s not my favorite, but when my friends look at that photo they recognize me and that matters. I’m pretty sure I’ll use all of these photos for different projects. The one above feels most like a mirror and brings to mind Zora’s famous words: “I love myself when I am laughing…” I try to be a role model for young people—especially girls—so part of me hates to have so many insecurities. But being insecure and slightly neurotic IS who I am…it’s part of being human and it’s part of my artist identity. This is what THIS author looks (and acts) like!
