Why Spain is better than the US

Photo: Łukasz Lech

1. They kill it when it comes to friendship.

They’ll always ask you how you’re doing or come hang out with you, things many of my American friends are “too busy” for. They aren’t afraid to show you that they care. When I left my Spanish friends to return home, they got me a Spanish flag and all signed it for me, leaving me surprised, bawling, and smiling all at once.

2. They treat strangers like we treat friends.

Spanish people are some of the most friendly, welcoming people I’ve ever met. I’ve had people go out of their way to help me despite knowing nothing about me, like being picked up at the airport in Barcelona and driven directly to the bus station by a mutual friend I’d never met.

3. Their colloquialisms put ours to shame.

My favorite expletive is me cago en la puta, which translates to “I shit on a whore.” I also like their ways of saying “I don’t care,” like me suda la polla or me la pela. The first one directly translates to “it makes my dick sweat” and the latter to “it jerks me off.” And these are just the swear words I know. Spanish mouths are foul, and Spanish mothers have their work cut out for them.

4. They eat like hobbits.

While I attest that lunch at 2pm and dinner at 9pm is too late for me, it’s really hard to argue with a schedule that suggests you eat five times a day. They have desayuno (breakfast), almuerzo (brunch), comida (lunch), merienda (evening snack / lunner), and cena (dinner). Merry and Pippin would approve.

5. Their food is so much more imaginative.

Spanish food is fucking incredible, and this list would not be complete without mentioning so. In the heat of southern Spain, a bowl of salmorejo will refresh you with its creamy, delicious blend of tomato and bread. And I bet you’ve never imagined that sardines marinated in the perfect ratio of olive oil, vinegar, and salt (boquerones en vinagre) could make you consider selling your body for more.

Then there’s alioli, a simple mixture of garlic (ali) and oil (oli) from Cataluña that could compel you to quote Sandor “The Hound” Clegane on ketchup, the king of condiments.

6. Their grocery stores have their shit together.

Carts in the grocery store require a euro deposit to use. This means fewer people use them and those who do return them. More importantly, they aren’t falling apart and floating around the parking lot denting your car. If you don’t take a cart, you can take a basket WITH WHEELS. Your lazy ass won’t have to carry a thing. Lastly, cashiers have two bagging stations so they can continue checking you out while the person in front of you bags. Cheers to efficiency.

7. One word: Fútbol.

Spain was, until recently, shitting on the entire planet when it came to football. They won the last World Cup, and when the country’s (probably the world’s) two best teams face each other it mandates a countrywide shutdown. Two of their players, Xavi and Iniesta, have basically reinvented the sport as the pulse of Spain and Barça’s tiki-taka style.

Americans wreck at sports and the Olympics but I don’t know how many of our teams generate the worldwide fanaticism that Spain does when it comes to football.

8. They’re better looking than us.

In America, we’ve got California girls and Southern boys, and are home to many an attractive hapa. Regardless, Spain pumps out some fine-ass women and some very handsome men. Can’t really deny that dark, thick, brown hair and tanned, olive skin.

The women always look put together in the latest Zara clothing, and I’ve witnessed many of my female friends drooling over the men’s football bodies and 5 o’clock shadows. It also helps that they don’t have an obesity epidemic.

9. They’re better greeters.

In Spain, when you meet or say hi to a woman you give her two kisses on the cheek, also known as dos besos. You actually have to touch them and bring them into that personal space bubble we Americans value so much. This is just a warmer, more intimate way to greet people.

10. They let their emotions run free.

In America, we tend to bottle up our emotions. We tiptoe around other people’s feelings. Spanish people let that shit out and it’s definitely an emotionally healthier way to be. They’ll tell you how it is and show you how they feel. If they love you, you’ll know. And if they hate you, well damn boy, buckle up.

My friend is being quite literally chased out of her school by her headmistress who left for Madrid to do everything in her power to remove her as a teacher. Compare this to your last American manager who just talked shit about you and fucked with your timetable in hopes you’d become miserable enough to leave.

11. They’re better partiers.

Spain is famous for its parties and it does not disappoint. There’s Las Fallas in Valencia, San Fermín in Pamplona, and more. I got to experience Las Fiestas del Pilar in Zaragoza. All of these involve citywide parties lasting several days full of culture, tradition, and, most importantly, a LOT of drinking.

In a difference of only a few hours, I went from watching a traditional Aragonese dance with a bunch of old people to being shithoused, dancing to electronic music and watching male, female, and transvestite gogo dancers wearing nothing but nipple tape and thongs IN FRONT OF THE CATHEDRAL. I would be lying if I said I didn’t wish my town threw an annual party dedicated to debauchery and copious amounts of alcohol, sprinkled with the history and customs of my people.