Revenge of the Mustache

Mustaches are all the rage right now. It doesn’t make sense to me. I mean, why is it cool to have fake mustaches plastered everywhere – pencil toppers, bumper stickers, notebooks, T-shirts – but it’s not cool to have a real one under your nose?

I have a mustache. A real one. Under my nose. I’ve had it since I hit puberty. In reality it was blondish and peach fuzzy. In my mind, it was Hitler-esque. And there was no way to hide it. I tried growing out my bangs, but I looked like Cousin It. So I...