When Complaining on Facebook is a Bad Idea
The image was an innocuous one. Not a pretty picture, but not one to stick out, either. In the mountain known as my Facebook newsfeed, I would have gone right past it, if it weren't for the caption accompanying said picture.
It was an accusation and a complaint about the content of the image. Something regarding a household appliance had been done in a way that the poster regarded as "not good enough." To strike back, they posted the picture, calling for their friends and family to like it, so that the person who had fallen short would learn their lesson and not make the mistake again.
If it had been a major infraction, or one that was unfixable, I might have understood. I might also have understood had the perpetrator been someone other than the poster's spouse. But since it was a relatively small mistake that was easily fixed, and it was the poster's spouse, I had a slight problem with this. This problem only increased when this post was commented on with varying degrees of ridicule, aimed at a person not present to defend themselves.
Last I checked, Facebook was not the correct place to air out family issues or arguments with your spouse. Last I checked, offering up an opinion and choosing a side on something so biased wasn't a particularly wise decision. And last I checked, acting in this manner was a show of extreme disrespect.
If you have issues with your husband/wife, asking Facebooik to take your side is the first step to an all-out war. And an unfair one at that. And if you're willing to take up sides on an issue to which you've only heard one side, how are you sure it's the right one?
Think, people!
If you were in the position where your husband/wife was going to Facebook to complain about you and all your shortcomings, and then asking for people to gang up on you, would you like it? Would you like it if you saw a post from the person you'd promised to love and live with the rest of your life, detailing a small shortcoming and begging for help from their friends to teach you a lesson?
It's disrespectful. It's rude, thoughtless, and self-centered.
And how about those of you who immediately jump on the situation? Instead of offering advice on how to fix the problem, you malign the person responsible.
Think about what you're doing!
What you say in that kind of situation could seriously hurt the person the post is about. It could cause damage to a marriage, and you're helping.
Facebook is not a drama where the actors all go home friends every night. These are real people, with real feelings. You can't just spew all of your frustrations with your significant other to the world and expect no fallout. They will see it. And then what will you tell them? What defense will you offer?
In this situation, which infraction was worse? Was it the simple, easy-to-fix mistake, or was it shouting it out to all of Facebook and publicly shaming someone who should have your utmost love and respect?
It's not that hard, people. Figure it out.
Support your friends. But remember, other people are affected by what you say. Are you going to support a blatant act of disrespect? Are you going to support something that you know will hurt someone else if they see it? Are you going to indulge your sadistic desire to watch drama unfold by encouraging action that could destroy lives?
Not all friendly support can cause problems, and in many cases, it's extremely helpful. So I'm not saying to just shut up and ignore your friends when they have complaints.
But you have a choice as to how you will handle it. Instead of jumping all over the person who may or may not be responsible, for what may or may not be a problem, offer constructive advice. If you know a way to fix the issue, tell them. If you know a way to make the situation easier, then by all means, offer it up. But, for goodness' sakes, remember that you're dealing with people. Remember that they think and feel, and that the person responsible for making your friend complain might not be as much to blame as you think. Traditionally, the truth is somewhere between the two extremes.
And before you hit that blue "post" button, ask yourself if your motivation is selfish. Is it revenge? Is it a desire to be right? Is it a desire to make your significant other look bad or feel guilty?
Then ask yourself this: Is it worth it? There are some things that need to be done. I'm not going to lie. Some things need to change, and sometimes it's only the power of public opinion that can do it. But is it appropriate? Is it something huge that needs the enormous power of a public post to change, or is it something small that you can fix yourself? Is it something that can be handled without making it public knowledge and embarrassing someone?
And, lastly, is it going to hurt the person it's about if they see it?
Think about it. If your motivation is selfish, it's something that can be handled perfectly well in private, or the damage isn't going to be worth it, then maybe you should consider keeping your mouth shut.
It was an accusation and a complaint about the content of the image. Something regarding a household appliance had been done in a way that the poster regarded as "not good enough." To strike back, they posted the picture, calling for their friends and family to like it, so that the person who had fallen short would learn their lesson and not make the mistake again.
If it had been a major infraction, or one that was unfixable, I might have understood. I might also have understood had the perpetrator been someone other than the poster's spouse. But since it was a relatively small mistake that was easily fixed, and it was the poster's spouse, I had a slight problem with this. This problem only increased when this post was commented on with varying degrees of ridicule, aimed at a person not present to defend themselves.
Last I checked, Facebook was not the correct place to air out family issues or arguments with your spouse. Last I checked, offering up an opinion and choosing a side on something so biased wasn't a particularly wise decision. And last I checked, acting in this manner was a show of extreme disrespect.
If you have issues with your husband/wife, asking Facebooik to take your side is the first step to an all-out war. And an unfair one at that. And if you're willing to take up sides on an issue to which you've only heard one side, how are you sure it's the right one?
Think, people!
If you were in the position where your husband/wife was going to Facebook to complain about you and all your shortcomings, and then asking for people to gang up on you, would you like it? Would you like it if you saw a post from the person you'd promised to love and live with the rest of your life, detailing a small shortcoming and begging for help from their friends to teach you a lesson?
It's disrespectful. It's rude, thoughtless, and self-centered.
And how about those of you who immediately jump on the situation? Instead of offering advice on how to fix the problem, you malign the person responsible.
Think about what you're doing!
What you say in that kind of situation could seriously hurt the person the post is about. It could cause damage to a marriage, and you're helping.
Facebook is not a drama where the actors all go home friends every night. These are real people, with real feelings. You can't just spew all of your frustrations with your significant other to the world and expect no fallout. They will see it. And then what will you tell them? What defense will you offer?
In this situation, which infraction was worse? Was it the simple, easy-to-fix mistake, or was it shouting it out to all of Facebook and publicly shaming someone who should have your utmost love and respect?
It's not that hard, people. Figure it out.
Support your friends. But remember, other people are affected by what you say. Are you going to support a blatant act of disrespect? Are you going to support something that you know will hurt someone else if they see it? Are you going to indulge your sadistic desire to watch drama unfold by encouraging action that could destroy lives?
Not all friendly support can cause problems, and in many cases, it's extremely helpful. So I'm not saying to just shut up and ignore your friends when they have complaints.
But you have a choice as to how you will handle it. Instead of jumping all over the person who may or may not be responsible, for what may or may not be a problem, offer constructive advice. If you know a way to fix the issue, tell them. If you know a way to make the situation easier, then by all means, offer it up. But, for goodness' sakes, remember that you're dealing with people. Remember that they think and feel, and that the person responsible for making your friend complain might not be as much to blame as you think. Traditionally, the truth is somewhere between the two extremes.
And before you hit that blue "post" button, ask yourself if your motivation is selfish. Is it revenge? Is it a desire to be right? Is it a desire to make your significant other look bad or feel guilty?
Then ask yourself this: Is it worth it? There are some things that need to be done. I'm not going to lie. Some things need to change, and sometimes it's only the power of public opinion that can do it. But is it appropriate? Is it something huge that needs the enormous power of a public post to change, or is it something small that you can fix yourself? Is it something that can be handled without making it public knowledge and embarrassing someone?
And, lastly, is it going to hurt the person it's about if they see it?
Think about it. If your motivation is selfish, it's something that can be handled perfectly well in private, or the damage isn't going to be worth it, then maybe you should consider keeping your mouth shut.
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