Ask General Kang: I think my boyfriend is cheating on me. How do I know for sure?

I don't want to seem insensitive, but if you think he is, then he probably is. Human females seem to have a pretty good nose for these things.

However, let's assume for a moment that you're out of touch with your intuition, to the extent that you have to consult a simian overlord from another galaxy on whether he's cheating or not.

One way you can be sure is to introduce him to the Trofmaldian Eye Slug. It really should be called a brain slug, because that's where it does all its best work. ...