Not Into the Club Scene

Since retirement (disability for arthritis), I've found I'm not much of a joiner. I like my solitude and independence, but I thought I'd check out some of the local writer's clubs to see if I could enhance my writing and possibly pick up some marketing tips.

O.M.G. My first experience was abso-effing-lutely amazing-- and not in a good way. If nothing else, I am thankful the event provided me with a hilarious story in the re-telling, but if I'd been anything other than an A-type personality, I may have been scarred for life.

Let me say, my expectations were to find a group of fellow professional (or at least serious) writers who are looking for mentors as well as mentoring, feedback as well as offering to provide critique, and fresh marketing ideas as well as how to maneuver around eBook stumbling blocks. I was looking for other writers who are experiencing the same highs and lows I am.

Oh. My. Word. Off the bat, I can't relay all the facts (or last names), because I am just not so mean as to immortalize one's ineptitude in print. Okay, maybe the highlights:

I sat next to a guy who did nothing but criticize my books (yes, I was hoping for critique, I simply forgot to add I'd like feedback which enhances my writing experience or improves my craft). Bob felt he was in a position to mock everything from the color of my novel's paper (you shouldn't use white, it causes eyestrain to the reader), to the size of my font (I use 12pt, apparently, I should be using 11.5). Little did I know, in his expert opinion, that a novella was anything under 100k words, and my 75-80k "novellas" were not the 200 pages he opined, only because my monstrous 12 point font stretched them out to 250pgs or more. All of this feedback within the first two minutes of our handshake. By minute three, I was mentally referring to my fellow author as Bobnoxious-- can you blame me?

True to my A-type personality, I promptly informed Bobnoxious: white paper works for me; 12pt font is normal for the 6x9" books (we even compared mine to another-- he informed me "they are close" in size, while I found the fonts exactly the same; and I re-educated him on the approximate sizes of short stories, novellas, and books (of which, mine at 80k words, was one).

When it appeared I was unreceptive to his words of wisdom, Bobnoxious turned his dubious attentions to another budding writer at the table, I'll call her Jane, and proceeded to inform her (using my best recollection of his words), you have a great premise for your [children's] book, but it's too short, you need to make it into a book. He must have rambled on for a good five minutes, and I could practically see the indecision in this poor woman's eyes as the critic told her how to write her book. A-type to the rescue... luckily, even Bobnoxious had to stop for breath and I was able to insert to Jane, "You are the author. The characters will tell you how short or how long the book should be. If they want a short story, and you try to make it longer, it will be obvious you added filler to make it longer. Do what YOU think is best. Tell the story your own way." Is it any wonder, Bobnoxious tucked tail and remembered a previous engagement, leaving the event before the speakers started?

The meeting was held at a local restaurant, and after some time to eat, we did self-introductions, and moved on to the month's event: 5 minute readings from volunteer authors. I will admit, for the most part, there were some terrific passages, and a few of the books, I may end up purchasing. I was even envious of the ease in which the author's were able to read their own work. I can stand up in front of a crowd and discuss almost any topic without fear, yet I find I stumble when reading from notes, or in this case, my own novels. There's a difference between 'speaking' and 'reading' for a crowd. Kudos to them!

Then, the icing on the cake-- an exercise in grammar. One of the authors presented a page from her own work (I'm not sure if this is a published work or a WiP, work in progress), and we were tasked with finding the errors. Cool! Grammar is not my strength, and I am forever thankful I have a strict editor to poke me with her red pen. I grabbed a pen and started circling, and scratching out and making notations, only to look up and see my fellow writers making the occasional circle and adding commas.

Alrighty then. I obviously didn't get the same memo. What I assumed to be a grammar exercise, was apparently a treasure hunt for sneaky misused words and rampant punctuation. When we started to do a line by line 'correction' as a group, I got impatient looks for bringing up the fact some of her "that"s should be who, or which, instead. We actually got into a semi-debate when I pointed out a word change (exchanging 'free' for 'other' in the following sentence): "In his free hand, he held a bucket..." I contend, if the hand is free, it shouldn't be carrying a bucket. Her reply was, "I suppose some people could see it that way."

To recap, the page we 'corrected' was filled with amateur errors, for example, the overuse of the word "I", as well as the word "that." When any incorrect grammar was pointed out to her (by me and others), the author was quick to say the narration is "...in the voice of the character. That's how she talks." No one explained (as a guest at the meeting, and an unknown author to the group, it wasn't my place), a writer can't excuse bad grammar as the character's voice, especially for the narration. As a reader, horrible grammar makes reading difficult and slow. None of her grammar mistakes were discussed (as no one wanted to hurt her feelings?) and when there was a disagreement on punctuation, all eyes turned to a singular member everyone seemed to feel was the authority on grammar and punctuation, for the tie-breaker (I mentally wondered why she wasn't leading this exercise).

I completely understand as a writer, and reader, it is important to encourage other author's to step out of their comfort zone. But I was very disappointed by this group as a whole. Not one person offered any real, honest feedback to help this writer. I was embarrassed this woman had been selected to give a grammar presentation which she was completely unqualified to do. Yes, we need to encourage participation in groups, but what did we learn here? I walked away from this exercise with nothing but a scratched out piece of paper.

Will I try again? Yes, I plan to attend two more local groups to see if I can find what I'm looking for. I think it's important to get out of the house and converse with other people who share a love of writing.