Kick Your Negative Self Talk To The Curb

It is often said a man is his worst critic. But I think the truer statement is this: a man is his own bully. All day long under the yoke of comparison and shame, we speak cruelties to ourselves.

It’s ok to tell ourselves “you could have done better on this or that,” but many times, we aim for the jugular.

“You really blew that!”

“Why are you even here? No one even cares.”

“That’s a stupid idea.”

“You look horrible today. What a mess!”

That’s not criticism.

It’s flat out injury. It is not a loving correction; it is verbal MMA cage fight.

The weird thing is, we’d never say those things to other friends or even strangers, so why do we find it so easy to talk this way to ourselves? In fact, the words we speak over ourselves add up to unacceptable language in most environments.

*Photo Credit: – Komodor -, Creative Commons

Tiny little sucker punches all day long. Jab. Jab. Knock out!

Most of the time, they’re just quiet little statements in our heads, but sometimes I even catch myself saying them out loud.

I forget an appointment = “What an idiot.”

I make a wrong turn = “You’re such a moron.”

I give a mediocre presentation = “You suck at this.”

These destructive sentences can form a life sentence.

If we bully ourselves long enough, whether out loud or in our head, we willfully drain out every last ounce of confidence, love and hope with words that eat away at the way we actually see ourselves.

So if I asked you to list five positive statements as well as five negative statements about you, which list would be easier to fill? For many of us, the negative list would be easier to populate. Not that it should come as any surprise. After all, practice makes perfect.

It’s time to kick the bully out of your head. It is time to call the browbeater by name… even if it is your name.

How can we do this?

Here are some quick tips:

1. Become aware of the messages. All of us need to work on recognizing the unhealthy patterns and self-criticism. If we are aware of it, we can stop it.

2. If you say it, fix it. You’re an expert at bullying yourself. You have been doing it all your life. If you made a mistake or screwed something up, replace the first overblown, over-judgmental, and over-exaggerated phrase that comes into your mind with something a bit more graceful and realistic.

3. Apologize to yourself. Yes, it may seem weird but this is what mature, healthy grown ups do when they have hurt someone. Apologizing helps bring importance to the verbal bullying and will help you grow.

When you no longer make room for negative self talk, you create space to hear grace and truth.

Time to kick your inner bully to the curb.

Kick Your Negative Self Talk To The Curb is a post from: Storyline Blog