How to light the fire when exhaustion and resentment have extinguished your sex life

For many mothers, sex turns from an expression of love, intimacy and desire into an obligation. They lose track of their own desire, their own pleasure, their own motivations, and they feel like sex has become ‘just another thing that I have to do to take care of someone else’. Women with young children are overwhelmed by care-giving responsibilities and sex simply becomes another source of resentment.

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Christina is a woman who’s so constantly involved in being a mother and caring for others that when her husband initiates sex, she confuses offer and demand. She fails to see his advances as an invitation and responds as if it is one more obligation. Instead of seeing a man, she reacts to him as if he is one more child who needs something from her. ‘I already have two children, I don’t need a third.’

See my suggestions for couples like Christina and her husband, including self-care, sex dates, and restoring control in Wise words: Esther Perel on sex and relationships on Psychologies UK.