Pride Week Guest Post from Arin Andrews: I am Arin

I am Arin.  I am also transgender.  This does not tell you much about me, nor should it.  This is just a small piece of who I am.  Being a transgender boy from Oklahoma has been a journey that I wouldn’t trade for anything.  I was brought up to be honest — not only to others, but with myself.  The hardest struggle of discovering who I really am was the internal battle I had within my own heart and soul and the core of my beliefs.  I think in the process of understanding where I stand on my sexuality and gender I managed to come out of every closet door in the house.

Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers, September 2014.

As a young girl, I knew I didn’t fit the mold.  My mom had me in cheerleading, dance and pageants.  I did them with a smile on my face, but underneath…the storm was brewing.  I thought that maybe I was gay.  As soon as I realized calling myself a lesbian would imply that I was a girl that this was definitely not how I saw myself.  I certainly didn’t want the world seeing me as a girl either.  That just didn’t feel right.  I continued reading and researching.  I discovered the word transgender.  When I read the description, it fit me.  Problem solved, label attached.  Well, not so fast.  So now that I had figured out I was a boy, not a girl, I thought that I obviously must like girls.  This scenario didn’t work either.  I dug a little deeper and decided to explore the idea that YES — I do like boys.  I have always thought they were cute, but when I was younger, and they kissed me as a girl, well, this just felt so weird.  I needed to be seen by the world for the boy that I was…and I also discovered that it was perfectly fine to like boys and be a boy.

I know this all sounds crazy to most you and, well, it kind of is.  I had to dig deep to get where I am at today.  I will give you a recap from my dating experience thus far:  I dated boys when I was a girl named Emerald.  I dated a girl when I was a girl named Emerald.  I dated a girl as a boy named Arin.  Currently I am dating a boy as a young man named Arin.  That is four doors that have been opened and explored.  Now you see why all the closet doors have been opened in my house.  I have been every color of the rainbow flag.

Arin Andrews. (Photo by Nancy Poole Photography.)

I feel like labels are a starting point but should never be the end-all to someone’s identity.  This part of my self-discovery is another reason that my life has felt like something that needs to be assembled.  I wrote my first book, a memoir of my experience called SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED: The Not So Secret Life of a Transgender Teen.  My hope is that I give others inspiration to laugh along the way, even through the tough times.  It’s not easy being a teenager –especially with the extra complications of things not fitting together right.  This may take a little work and a little elbow grease to get through it all.  Hang in there, because it is all worth it in the end.  Just keep laying one brick at a time in front of your path and taking a step. One brick at a time.  Be patient with yourself and your loved ones.  It is not easy charting a new path that is not black and white, even if instead it’s a beautiful rainbow.  Discovering who you are takes work. Don’t ever be ashamed or afraid of who you are.  Everyone is designed the way they are supposed to be.  Just be proud of stand tall.

Arin Andrews graduated from high school in 2014. He enjoys hiking, camping, and motocross. SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED is his first book. Arin lives in Oklahoma.